Goddamnit, Dad. Part IV

[lenna_nightrunner]

And now, more fun with DA Dad! Now with participation from my poor mother, whose life I have ruined.

Phone conversation with Mom last weekend:

Me: “Calling to gloat about your vacation?”

Mom: “No, we’re still at the airport. The plane’s been delayed four hours!”

Me: “Sucks to be you.”

[chit chat with mom]

Mom: “Hang on, your father wants to talk to you.” [mom passes the phone over]

Me: “Hi, Dad.”

Dad: “Hi, sweetie. How’s things?”

Me: “Good. You?”

Dad: “So I’m in the castle, and there’s this guy in the dungeon.”

[convo about who Jowan is, pros and cons of killing him or not, etc]

Dad: “Okay, here’s your mother again.” [hands the phone back over]

 

 

Chat conversation tonight, simultaneous with Mom and Dad:

 

Dad: Now I have to decide whether to sacrifice Connor’s mom or go to get more mages. Would be quickest to just get rid of the chick.

Me: Or you can kill Connor.

Dad: Oh, I suppose so. He is awfully irritating.

 

Mom: Dad is talking to his computer and I keep hearing the same dialog. Can you please help him get further in his game?!?

Me: Has he messed up? He could call me if he wants.

Mom: “I’ll help him! You can’t stop me!” is what I have now heard about half a dozen times now. In a faux English young boy accent. I hear him say he is tired of being killed.

Me: What a wuss.

Mom: Exactly. “I’ll help him! You can’t stop me!” I am tired of hearing it!

Me: He should have just killed the kid. That’s what I did. Way easier.

 

Dad: Are you there?

Me: Yep! What are you doing wrong?

Dad: My mage keeps getting killed in the Fade. I got through the first two encounters but the 3-on-1 is dicey. Suggestions?

Me: Hm, I’ve never done that. I just kill Connor. Asking [Shimmy]. … [Shimmy] says “USE THE LYRIUM.”

Dad: Yeah. Trying that. But still getting dead. I’ll try again. I have a bunch in my inventory.

Me: The blue crystals on the ground. If you click on them they max your health back up.

Dad: Blue crystals on the ground? Haven’t noticed that. I’ll go look.
 

 

Mom: I told him to kill the kid. Neopets is way less complicated. [Note: Mom has been playing games on Neopets since I was in high school. She likes puzzles]

Me: True.
 

 

Me: You’re just using me.

Dad: Yep. I don’t see any blue crystals. Me see no lyrium. Seems hopeless to me. They are just too much for me. (Or her, rather.) And I am still getting clobbered.

Me: [Shimmy]’s very confused. Maybe you’re full of it.

Dad: There are two nasty fiery guys and the main demon and they all gang up on me and kill me. I do better as a spider but still get killed.

Me: Consulting [Shimmy].
 

 

Mom: “I’ll help him! You can’t stop me!” Arrrrggghhh! And again.

Me: Supposedly he’s getting there.

Mom: I was just going to say, it appears he is making progress. I hear battle noises. Is it bad if he says “Whoops?”

Me: Most likely.
 

 

Dad: I am reading a cheat site, but it sounds like the worst battle is yet to come.

Me: [Shimmy] says drop the main boss first. Why do you suck at this game?

Dad: Hey! Apparently I am supposed to use freeze charms or whatever on the fire guys. But it’s hard to navigate—very crowded. Okay, got through battle 3/4. The freezing charms were the ticket. Now I have to do the big battle. Would have been easier to just snuff the kid, but mom was so wretched I wanted to kill her instead.

Me: That’s the general consensus among players.
 

 

Dad: DA crashed. First time I’ve had that happen.

Me: Blame Isolde.

Dad: But I am doing better in the battle. Back to it!

Me: Hooray!
 

 

Mom: He just said, “No, no, my game froze!”

Me: Yeah, he told me.

Mom: Now I am hearing a lot of grunting and fighting noises.

Me: That’s how it goes.

Mom: My games do not make noise, or if they do I don’t know because I keep my speakers off.

Me: You’re very considerate.
 

 

Dad: Whew! Got that done. Time to stop for the night. Have to go find some blasted boring urn. G’nite. Love ya.
 

 

Mom: Dad says he is done for tonight. He managed to kill those beasts. So now his quest is which type of ice cream to eat. Cherry Garcia or Coffee Heath Bar Crunch?

 

 

My poor mother. What have I wrought?!

 

Comments

[bellaknoti]

seconded!