My Hawke is no longer a nice girl.

[twist_shimmy]

Last night I got to watch my Hawke snap, and the story itself is WTF-worthy enough to share with you all. Once you're done reading mine, share your current LI disasters and we can have a nice discussion about the romance mechanics in DA2.

This is Alyse Hawke. She's a rogue, and she's outside of a cut because Hawkes aren't spoilery. All other images below the cut have LI spoilers through Act 2, though.

Alyse's major goal in life is to rebuild a home for her family. So far she's pretty pleased with her progress, even though her brother's dead and her sister is in the Circle. Her pastimes include worshiping Aveline and teaching Fenris to read. She's nice, and polite, and helpful. So helpful, in fact, that she refuses to give Merrill the knife once Keeper Marethari asks her to, and goes from almost best friends forever to pure rivalry in one fell swoop.



Mean words are exchanged. Merrill screams at her to leave and never set foot in her house again, and Hawke obeys, wondering sadly where it all went wrong.

Next she does Fenris' personal quest.



She gives the elf girl a job and then lets him kill Hadriana. He yells at her for caring, comes back later and apologizes, one thing leads to another and soon she's at his house, he's drunk, and she's offering to fuck him. She's only been waiting for three years, after all. "No, not tonight," he says, but that has promise, so she lets it go and continues on her merry, helpful way.

Immediately after that, it's Time To Help Anders, and Maker knows he needs all the help he can get. She stops him from nearly killing a mage, he freaks out, she calms him down, and gets caught up in the heat of the moment and asks her to kiss him. (Note: I was wearing headphones. THAT WAS AN EXPERIENCE ANDERS, THANK YOU.)



Next thing she knows he's telling her he's coming to her house 'tonight.' Well, Fenris had turned her down, and Anders was a man who clearly needed to get laid, so she decides she's okay with this.

Well, she heads for home, and finds Fenris waiting.



One thing leads to another, walls get abused, and she wakes up feeling happier than she has in years....



He walks out.



Cue my Hawke's heart breaking. They go off to find the lost qunari patrol and during the fight with the fanatics, everything is going wrong: Anders won't heal Fenris, Fenris won't protect Hawke, and Isabela keeps dying. (I swear. Anders would not heal him.) It was awkward, and Hawke goes home depressed to nurse her wounds.

Anders shows up. Hawke does NOT appreciate his timing, and tells him to wait until the voices in his head can agree before trying to start anything. He snarls something about Fenris and stalks off.



At this point Hawke is emotionally exhausted and decides to go to to the Hanged Man, where Isabela teases her about Fenris. That... doesn't help. She goes back home because the quest log tells her to and all of the sudden MERRILL is there, baring her soul about how amazing Hawke is.



Hawke says the nice thing instead of the mean thing, and suddenly they're kissing, and then my Hawke is dragging her into the bedroom and I am screaming at my monitor no stop stop this is bad. Afterward, Merrill goes "OMG I LOVE YOU," and Hawke's choices are break her heart or let her move in.

Hawke dumped her.

The very next thing that happens? Mama Hawke gets some white lilies and disappears. We haven't resolved that quest yet, but signs indicate that Hawke won't be having her happy family for much longer.

 

This is how my Hawke tends to look now.

::EDIT:: visser just bought me a paid account, so now I am going on an editing spree because WHEE ICONS. :3

Comments

All may not be lost

[darkrose]

If you want spoilers, ping me on Gmail.

Re: All may not be lost

[twist_shimmy]

If we're talking about Fenris, I know, but she doesn't. I went and looked it up because I was LOSING MY MIND. XD

[acid]

Aieee. You know what this is missing? :D

Isabela encounter!

*ducks*

[acid]

PS. Or at least a screenshot. For completion's sake.

[sinick]

Holy crap. This? is ALL THE SOAP OPERAS. EVER.

...and i love it like chocolate.

[twist_shimmy]

I am pondering turning it into a short oneshot because I hate happiness. I will not lie.

[cave_fatuam]

Can we all agree that Anders shouldn't call anyone a maniac? I mean, he is a little manic himself,n'est–ce pas?
That's totally almost what happened with my poor practical, neutral Avery Hawke. Except switch Merrill for IzzyBoo and things went down diffs with Anders. He showed up and she lied to/diddled him, because I'm totally a weak squish-face. Then Anders was all...

So she curled up in a ball b/c she can't kick him out, 'cause he might be a total bunny-boiler.

[twist_shimmy]

I was considering adding that in as a caption to that screenshot. Anders, sweetie, you're less sane than he is. :(

The back-to-back-to-back-to-back was enough to almost kill me ded.

[valiasedai]

Oh Shimmy, this is the best thing I've ever read XD Rob and I were laughing our asses off. I've been /terrified/ of messing shit up and fucking people I WANT to fuck, but don't want to dump. I'm too chicken shit to dump video game characters, but I've dumped a real person! (Actually, not sure he counts as a person, but I digress).

Condolences ahead of time should you happen to get endgame stuff about Isabela being your faithful lover.

[twist_shimmy]

I am a veteran dumper of people, and sending Anders and Merrill to the curb was painful. Well, until Anders said mean things about Fenris.

I've never flirted with Isabela, so I am SURE I'll get the bug and find out she and Hawke were OTP. XD

Dear Anders:

[darkrose]

Ms. Pot is paging Mr. Kettle on line 1.

HE'S A MANIAC! DX<

[twist_shimmy]

Just a Tevinter slave on a Lowtown night
Lookin for the fight of his life
In the darktown clinic mages stare and they snarl
They all say he's crazy

Killing slavers to the beat of his heart
Movements glowing with lyrium light
He has danced into the danger zone
Where the master becomes the slave

It can cut you like a knife
If the gift becomes the fire
All the while you're stuck between
What's real and what will be

(CHORUS)
He's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And he's killing like he never killed before
He's a maniac, maniac on the floor
And he's killing like he never killed before

[hostilemakeover]

That's what Kirkwall does to people. One minute, everything's normal, then *bam* Butterfly nets and rubber walls with a side portion of leather straps.

[twist_shimmy]

It's killing me to go through. Augh. I'm running out of people to double-cross me or die.

[polytene]

(Note: I was wearing headphones. THAT WAS AN EXPERIENCE ANDERS, THANK YOU.)

I can't play that scene without imagining the poor voice actor standing at the microphone trying to make his best convincing kissy noises while someone shouts at him to put more passion into it.

[twist_shimmy]

I like to think those noises involved a ripe fruit, a lot of tongue, and bets being exchanged for how long it could go before he burst out laughing or ruined the mic.

[sealcat]

How did that happen? so does that mean everyone is trying to win Hawke's heart in the same time? XDD

[twist_shimmy]

Sadly, yes. As scarylady pointed out, it was probably my fault, too.

[scarylady]

I can only surmise that your Hawke is a shocking flirt to have got them all in this situation in the first place. Were the little heart-shaped comments just too, too enticing?

You account is as funny as all hell, tho'

[twist_shimmy]

She flirted once with Merrill in Act One. Anders and Fenris she was hopelessly playing against one another though. She deserved that bit.

[sleepyowlet]

*lol*

I didn't romance anyone when I sent my poor ickle mage-Hawke through Kirkwall, and I found the game so *meh* that I decided not to play it again. Now I have to reconsider. This sounds like it could be funny...

[twist_shimmy]

Just flirt a lot in Act One, and Act Two will play like a cheesy soap opera.

[elysium_fic]

Okay, I must be weird or something, because I thought the sound effects for that kiss were really, really hot.