DAO Fandom: Needs Moar Macros

[darkrose]

(I'm sorry, mods, I have no clue how to tag this)

Over on ontd_startrek, they have this thing where they make macros. Lots and lots of macros (which are NSFW due to an impressive amount of profanity). There are macros for the major characters. There are macros for the minor characters. There are macros for the actors and for the crew and for the lens flare.



So anyway, I was thinking that DAO fandom could totally do some awesome macros. I even tried my hand at a couple; the problem is that I suck at graphic design. Seriously, my only photo editing software is Irfan View. I did come up with text for Duncan and Teagan macros, because writing "fuck" ever other sentence is totally my fucking idiom.

We need some macros up in here. If someone wants to do text for either of these, I'd have your internet babies:

Oh shit take a look at this motherfucking Grey Warden DUNCAN. Darkspawn just roll over and die to save time when they see his fine ass coming. How badass is he? So badass that he's a rogue with warrior skills and that spells Bad Motherfucker. He goes to the Deep Roads on fucking vacation, and he makes that skirt on his armor look good.

He was BFF's with Maric the Fucking Savior and King Cailan better not even think about going into battle without the mighty Duncan at his side or he's gonna get his dumb ass kicked even worse that it's already scheduled for.

He's like EF Fucking Hutton: when Duncan talks, you better shut the fuck up and recognize, I don't care if you're a mage or dwarf or elf or the Hero of the Goddamn River Dane. And if he wants someone in the Grey Wardens, well shit, motherfucking Grand Cleric can sit her ass down because he has the Right of Conscription and he won't hesitate to invoke that shit.

And you better believe he ain't going out like a fucking punk. Duncan's gonna fucking rock climb that ogre and stab him in the fucking neck before he goes down so hard you can't even find his goddamn body. But quit crying, and I'm looking at you Alistair, because you're a fucking Grey Warden and Duncan expects you to act like it or else he's gonna come back from the dead and kick your sorry ass into shape. Now take his fucking awesome sword and dagger and go put the fear of the fucking Maker into some Darkspawn like you know he'd want.



Y'all better get up and recognize, because this here is Teagan fucking Guerrin, Bann of Rainesfere. You can just call him THE BANNHAMMER, though, because the hammer is his penis and it's a two handed Weapon of Mass Seduction.

The Bannhammer will call you out on your bullshit, whether you're Loghain or his dumb-assed sister-in-law screaming "Teeeeegaaaaan!" or even the goddamn queen. "Was your father also doing what was best for your husband" and oh snap, Your Majesty, someone has just been told. And when the fucking zombie invasion happens, he's not hiding up in the castle, he's down there defending fucking Redcliffe from the undead and then he's gonna go back and talk some sense into his nephew because Uncle Teagan is sick of this bullshit.

Screw what's proper, because the Bannhammer don't care if you're an elf or a dwarf or a mage--he'll flirt with you so hard you won't even notice that stupid forelock braid (even though he totally fucking works it), and if he wants to marry a blacksmith or a seriously fucking hot barmaid, then he will, and Eamon if you complain he'll take that stick out of your ass and beat you with it.

Don't lie, ladies, you know you'd hit that like the fist of an angry Maker.

Comments

[elysium_fic]

This was YOU?

I loved it over at the kmeme discussion thread and I still love it. No idea how to do it, but LOVE. IT!!!

[darkrose]

Yup, that was me. :)

[twist_shimmy]

I call Duncan cuz I have the perfect screenie. Gimme a moment.

[darkrose]

I am shivering with antici.............pation.

[twist_shimmy]

[sorchar]

I love doing those. I made one for some cream cheese frosting I made, and one of Anton von Leeuwenhoek when my son was doing a report on him.

I think...I may need to do an Alistair one.

[darkrose]

OMG I remember the frosting one--that was AWESOME.

[twist_shimmy]

Also made this one a while back for Strangers With Cookies:

[alias_sqbr]

Heehee

[onemorealtmer]

I have no screencaps because I am a sad little console girl. Witticisms and long profane rants I could provide. I approve the entire project on principle.

[sorchar]

I had to Google for about half an hour before I found one of Alistair I could use. I just got it for PC because my old compy couldn't handle it, and I too was on console. I steal other peoples' screenshots without shame.

[twist_shimmy]

Look, I have 1k screenshots. Let me know what you need and I'll hook a sister up.

SAME GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU DARLINGS.

[sorchar]

Let me just say that trying to find an image editing program I liked that was free is a bitch. This computer came with Corel Photoshop but the damn thing wouldn't let me undo anything. GIMP refuses to work at home, though I use it all the time at work. I finally used Picasa. Tomorrow I'm digging out my old Photoshop 7 discs. Only for Alistair would I go through this.

[darkrose]

YOU ARE MADE OF WIN!

(I mean, I knew that already, but still. :) )

GIMP!

[sleepyowlet]

Since you complained about only having irfan-view - you might like the GIMP (Gnu Image Manipulation Program) which is almost as good as (some people say even better than) photoshop. And the best thing? It's open source = FREE!
Been using it for quite some time for my digital art and love it to bits.

Re: GIMP!

[twist_shimmy]

I can vouch for the gIMP. The only reason I don't use it is because I have used CS2 for years and don't want to relearn when I can do the same thing on my familiar program faaaasterrr.

Shimmy: fears change.

[onemorealtmer]

Step back, haters, because this is Zevran. Do you think your character has a sob story? Well, shut the fuck up, because Zevran owns your ass, and he's going to tap it. He's getting all up in that sweet ass and - right, sob story. His dad was some loser knife-ear from Antiva, where they can't even pick a motherfucking accent until they decide whether they're mafia or Russian mob. He died of some nasty-ass disease, so Zevran's whore mother took up goddamn pregnant whoring, because you can't go back to the Dalish after that shit. And then SHE died giving birth to this much fucking awesome, so he grew up with the whores, at least until they SOLD his sweet elven ass to the Crows, who tortured the fucking shit out of him and then gave him KNIVES, which he used to kill his first true fucking love when she didn't even turn out to need killing.

So now, one slip, and instead of fucking Loghain in a pile of money, he's following your candy ass around. And meanwhile he's soaking up all the hate mail from the 'phobes while Leliana is up to her neck in hair pies and Alistair is taking it eight ways to Sunday from m!Cousland in the mods.

So fuck you. No, seriously. Zevran will fuck you clear into next week if you want him to. Any race, any origin, any class, any gender, anywhere, anytime. How do you like it? Zevran knows shit that's not in the Kama fucking Sutra, and all his massages come with release. Bring it the hell on.

[twist_shimmy]

I HAVE A SCREENSHOT FOR THIS BRB

[amhran_comhrac]

I love this one since everybody showed up in their nice noble clothes and there's Teagan in the heavy chainmail... and it doesn't seem to go unnoticed.

Which just shows you DO NOT mess with the Bannhammer. He'll wear silk to a zombie apocalypse and heavy chain to meet the queen.

[twist_shimmy]

Love what you did with the text positioning. I have a similar screenie, but I caught it at an odd time and Teagan looks like he's doing a little turn on the catwalk or some shit.

this suffers from a lack of Anders.

[amhran_comhrac]

I am here to fix that.

Re: this suffers from a lack of Anders.

[scarylady]

It works better when you write the rant to go with the picture: "These two are so goddamn amazing that Oghren can't even look at them". Perfect.

[miri1984]

Ok, challenge. Do a BRITISH MACRO. I'll work on one. Possibly for Sten.

Re: this suffers from a lack of Anders.

[onemorealtmer]

You are all awesome, awesome people.

British?? Oghren!

[miri1984]

I can't do the pictures because I'm old. Also, apologies if I'm being presumptuous because I'm actually Australian, not British, but I did live there for a long time so...

You see this gentleman? This is Oghren. He's rather spiffy. Possessed of indomitable will and a rather stylish beard, this fellow could imbibe copious amounts of alcohol and still be able to part your head from your shoulders with extreme prejudice, without losing the contents of his stomach. His belch alone has caused ladies to swoon and lesser men to rapidly vacate his immediate vicinity.

You doubt the voracity of my claims? Attend! The crimson haired beserker may be lacking in height, but what he lacks in height he makes up for in sheer offensive capabilities.

So my advice to you is to back away slowly and possibly genuflect if you ever see this HARD ARSED MOTHERFUCKER COMING YOUR WAY.

Re: British?? Oghren!

[darkrose]

*dies*

There's more than one kind of British you know...

[scarylady]

Eee, that Morrigan. She’s a right bitch, yer know. She lives in’t arse-end of nowhere and humps wolves fer fun. An’ ‘er mam’s really owd; even owder than’t Queen mum. That Flemeth’d ‘ave yer dad if he went round askin’ if Morrigan beat yer up at schoo.

Morrigan dresses like a slapper out on the razz wi’ ‘er mates. ‘Cept she ain’t got any. Rotten cow’ll ‘ave yer ‘ead off if yer try’n give ‘er time o’ day. But seein’ as most of ‘er arse an’ ‘er tits are ‘anging out, she can pull a bloke, no messin’. Then she turns into a spider and EATS ‘im. Which serves ‘im right fer coppin’ off wi’ a strange bird fer a quick shag.

She’s ‘ard tho’, she’d ‘ave yer in a barney. She’ll twat yer wi’ a big spell an’ then, when yer goin’ “’kin ‘ell wot ‘it me?”, she’ll slap a lightnin’ bolt up yer jacksie and laugh ‘er arse off.

Re: There's more than one kind of British you know...

[scarylady]

Btw, if you need an accent to apply to this - try early (1960's) episodes of Coronation Street on u-tube.

Or modern episodes of Shameless.

Shale?

[cave_fatuam]

Boyfriend has noted the lack of Shale...with a sad face...I just got the Shale DLC (I know, I know, I'm a lose-ah-her), so I don't know enough of a reference to do this one fit and proper...so anyone want to take this on so I don't have to look at mopey Sean Lennon all night?

Re: Shale?

[scarylady]

Get him to write one!

[twist_shimmy]

Guess who just spent her afternoon in a pain med-induced coma watching Star Trek and counting the lens flares. ._.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAUUUULT.

[darkrose]

*bows* Thank you; I'll be here all week. Try the fish, and don't forget to tip Bella.

I plan, you make? Plz?

[onemorealtmer]

Okay, here's what I need.

Screencap: that fscking Tevinter mage in the Alienage, as he's kneeling and looking sad that you're going to kill him.

Caption: "But Black Dynamite! I sell elves to the community!"


And sure, maybe I'll be the only point at which the DA and Black Dynamite fandoms cross paths, but I'M FINE WITH THAT. (Maker, if I could fix the skin tones on console I'd be playing Black Dynamite Tabris RIGHT NOW.)