The Mistress, chapter 6/? (Rated M)

[i_paint_the_sky]

Crossposted to swooping_is_bad, dragonage_fic and fandomfic

Title: The Mistress
Rating: M
Pairings: Starts with Cailan/Elissa, eventual Alistair/Elissa.
Summary: Elissa Cousland, the favourite of King Cailan, finds herself thrown from the political arena into something completely different as the coming Blight changes her world forever.

Read the rest of the story here





Chapter 6: The Long Road to Ostagar


It was cold, so cold. Elissa pulled her cloak tighter around her body and still, she felt frozen inside and out. The mist that appeared when she breathed out confirmed that it wasn't all in her head but she still suspected it was just as much mental as physical. After everything, how could it not be?

She glanced over to where Duncan sat, sharpening his blades. Once he was done, she knew that they would be moving on again. After three days on the road, she'd learned the patterns. Or was it four days now? She'd lost track at some point; there hadn't been much time for thinking about anything other than running, with eating occasionally thrown in as well. And sleeping, at least in theory, but Elissa hadn't done much of that. Her nightmares about war had been terrifying even before she knew what true horror was. She didn't want to face what her subconscious could spew forth now.

“... alright?”

She blinked and realized Duncan was speaking to her. And that she was staring at him.

“It's fine,” she told him, shaking her head. “Don't worry. I'm fine.”

He didn't look convinced but he also didn't press the issue either, instead turning attention back to his weaponry. Elissa turned her head to look elsewhere. As she did, Barkspawn sidled up to her, pressing his body against her.

“Good boy,” she whispered, burying her fingers in his fur. “You are the best dog in the world, the only-” She swallowed her words hard, blinking. There was no time for that. No time for anything. No time.

“Elissa, we should be off.”

She stood up slowly, wincing as she put pressure on her bruised and blistered feet. “I'm ready.”

As they ran, Elissa focused on the weight of her armour and the burn of her muscles, though she was beginning to get accustomed to both. When her mind drifted, she did her best to try and determine just where in the Bannorn they were now and who ruled it. And when even that failed as a distraction, she bit down on her lip, hard enough at times to draw blood. Better to feel physical pain than face any other. She knew she would have to deal with eventually but just... not now.

They mostly travelled near the road though not on it, as there was no telling what Arl Howe would do once he realized she had slipped his trap. Along the way they passed several small towns and villages – places she had never heard of before, places that barely ranked a dot on a map – and Duncan would enter them alone, seeking information and supplies. While he was gone, Elissa would stay out of sight and count the people who passed on the road or the birds that flew through the trees or the moments it took before he finally came back.

This pattern had happened several times before Duncan finally decided it was safe enough to make what he deemed a proper camp. The first real fire of the trip was the his first priority and he swiftly had it blazing. Elissa sat down beside it, Barkspawn curled up at her feet, and watched Duncan go about his business. It was only after both tents had been pitched that it occurred to her that she might have helped.

Duncan walked over towards her, bringing with him their meagre food supplies. “I am afraid heating the rations does not make them much more tolerable,” he said as he passed her some dried meat skewered on a stick. “But even a little improvement is something.”

She nodded slightly and held the stick over the flames, carefully studying the methods he used and doing her best to duplicate them. In the end, the extra cooking turned out to be a great difference; she hadn’t realized how much she longed for a warm meal.

“Elissa,” Duncan said after they had both finished eating, “I know that in many ways I am still a stranger but if you do wish to talk, about anything you desire, I hope you know I am always willing to listen.”

She turned and met his eye, trying to muster up a smile and failing. “I know, thank you. But I just don’t know what to say.”

“I understand,” Duncan replied, before throwing a bit of scrap meat to the mabari.

A gust of wind whipped through the air, making the flames dance and tugging at Elissa’s hair. She reached up and winced at the feel of dirt and sweat and grease. She knew she did not make a pretty picture right now.

“I was born in Highever,” Duncan said suddenly. Elissa turned to see him staring deep into the fire. “My father grew up in a farm not too far outside the city. But he was the third son and so eventually had to go out and make a name for himself. He met my mother when she came to the city with a merchant caravan. It was love at first sight.”

Duncan paused, perhaps to give her time to speak but Elissa had nothing to say. All she wished to do was listen.

“I do not remember much of my early years in Ferelden,” he continued. “I was very young when the decision was made to relocate to Orlais. Even to this day, I do not know why we left. Likely it had to do with more opportunities for trade but for any man from Ferelden to choose to live in the nation that had conquered them … no, I do not understand how it happened. It is one of the many things I wish I could ask my father now.”

She reached down to bury her hands in Barkspawn’s fur, as a sudden premonition about where this tale was going hit her.

“There was an outbreak of plague,” he continued, still watching the flames. “My father caught it first and then my mother. Within two weeks, they were both dead.”

Elissa let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Thank you,” Duncan told her. “It was a long time ago but it is a scar I still carry everyday.”

She nodded and bowed her head, closing her eyes to shut out all but his words, a few stray tears finally allowed to make their way across her cheeks.

“While every circumstance is different,” he said, “I do know how loss feels and I know how hard it can be to live with. I also know that the life of a Grey Warden was not one you would have chosen in any other circumstance. It will be difficult, especially now, and there is a good chance you will be called upon to see and do more challenging things than you can imagine. But I hope that, like me, you will find a sense of purpose greater than you have ever known before. It will never be enough to completely heal the wounds you bear, but it can give everything greater meaning.”

A small shudder passed through Elissa's body. She clenched her fists tightly, nails pressing into skin. And then she opened her eyes again and looked up, facing Duncan's gaze straight on.

“Thank you.”

Duncan nodded. “You should get some rest. Even if you cannot sleep, your body needs time to recover its strength. Tomorrow, we should be arriving in Lothering and, after that, it will not be too much longer until Ostagar.”

Lothering. That name she knew. “My brother will have come through here,” she said. “I can come with you and ask if anyone has seen him.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “you can. But first, rest.”

Slowly she stood up and headed towards the tent. Once inside, she slowly began to take off her armour, the first time everything had come off. She was glad for the darkness as it hid the signs the toil had taken on her body. That was yet another thing she was not ready to think about.

As she lay down on the bedroll, Barkspawn crawling in beside her, she thought again about what Duncan had said, his words repeating in her head. Eventually her eyes got heavy and closed and then, for the first time since her parents had died, she slept without terrors.

When Elissa's eyes opened next, the sun was already out. As she sat up and stretched the sleep away, she realized that Duncan had never woken her to take a turn at the watch. More guilt took up its place within the sea of her emotions as she quickly dressed and headed out to see what could be done.

They ate quickly and then set themselves to taking down the camp, Duncan taking great care to erase all evidence that they had been there. Once he was satisfied, they walked out towards the road, walking on it for the first time.

They had not been walking long before the city of Lothering came into sight. Well, perhaps city was too grand a word for it, Elissa thought as they drew closer. There was none of the grandeur here that she was used to, not even a shred of the beauty of Highever or Denerim. In better times, she would not have come within miles of this place. Mother would be –

And there, in the middle of the city, was the Chantry, the one building of any consequence. “I will speak with the sisters,” she told Duncan. “Perhaps they will have news of Fergus.”

“You can do that, my lady, but be careful,” Duncan warned her. “There is always a possibility that Howe's men have arrived here. They have better resources than we do and much more at risk.”

She reached back, trailing a finger along her bow. “They will be risking even more if they run into me.”

For a moment it looked like he may try and dissuade her but instead Duncan just shook his head and turned away. “You will have to leave your mabari here. We do not want to draw too much attention to ourselves.”

“Very well.” She turned to Barkspawn. “You need to stay out of sight, boy. I'll call you when we're done” The dog whined but Elissa knew he would not disobey. “We're ready,” she said to Duncan.

Elissa headed immediately towards her destination, barely allowing herself to see anything other than the Chantry walls. The closer she got, the more familiar details she could make out. The same symbols, the same colours, the same chanter's board. It had been too long since she felt like she belonged somewhere.

“Can I help you, child?” asked one of the older sisters, who stood by the doorway.

“Yes,” Elissa said, managing a smile. “I was wondering if you might have any news of my brother. He is... travelling with a group of men from Highever, to join with the King's army at Ostagar. I have news from home that I must tell him as soon as I can.”

If the woman doubted her story, she did not show it. She did however shake her head. “I'm sorry but there have been no men from Highever here. In fact, you are not the first to come looking for them. There have been many asking why Teyrn Cousland has not sent any troops.”

“Not sent any...” Elissa repeated in growing dread and outrage, her response too quick for her to stop. “That's impossible.”

The woman laid a hand gently on her shoulder. “I wish I could help you, dear. Maker willing, your brother is safe and well but these are troubled times. It may be best to start preparing for an answer you will not like.”

Elissa shook her head. “No. No, I cannot lose him, not now. Is there someone else here I can ask? Perhaps they will have heard something you have not.”

“You can try,” the woman said, gesturing towards the door. “But I do not expect that you will hear anything more than I have already told you.”

She pushed past the sister and opened the door. Inside there were a multitude of people: sisters, Templars, and other citizens. She asked many if they knew of the Highever soldiers, even directly mentioning Fergus' name at times. Always she received the same answer: they had not been here. No one knew where they were.

Eventually she found herself standing near the doorway to the gardens, staring outside into another familiar world of flowers and beauty. A young sister was out there, a beautiful woman whose hair was almost as red as the roses she tended. Elissa found herself wishing to go out into the garden, to pretend for just a moment that she was somewhere safe and whole. She only just managed to hold herself back.

A flash of light attracted her attention and she looked towards the door to see Duncan enter, seeking her in the crowd. He spotted her quickly and she met his eyes and nodded, walking towards him.

“No one here knows anything,” she said to him quietly.

“Then we should be off. If we leave now, we should be able to reach Ostagar by tomorrow afternoon.”

Ostagar. Cailan.

Justice.

“Let's go.”