Feedback?

[trilliumg]

Just posting this here to get some feel for why I lost readers on the kink!meme. Is it the ending? Is it one of the kinks? Hit me. Yes, I know this is only smut, but I'd like some honest yet gentle feedback. Thanks. Actually, any general criticism would be welcomed too. If anyone wants me to return the favor, I'd be more than happy to do so.

Title: A Royal Comeuppance (18+/NSFW)
Pairing: Alistair/F!Aeducan/Cailan
Words: 7472
Synopsis: Alistair and Cailan have each been seduced and dominated by Sereda. They decide it's time to take her down a notch.
Warnings:  Mild dub-con, bondage, group sex, rimming, "fake" slash, "fake" incest, almost-shaming

Link to story on the meme

Comments

[msbarrows]

That's something you may need to watch yourself for, just because it wasn't believable within the overall context of the game doesn't mean it couldn't be believable within its own AU context, ie, one where Cailan did survive, as you so nicely set up in the little flashback off the top.

The thing that makes me feel a prompt is "good" is most often that sort of believability. Many of my favourite fills are quite wildly AU (Loghain and Alistair? Really!? Yes! - Garrett as geeky coffee shop barista and Fenris as hipster photographer - f!warden scaling the outside of the Tower of Ishal and lighting the beacon in time - Sebastian and Fenris having slashy good times together, etc.) but they all have internal consistency, which is much more of a selling point for a good read then adhering strictly to canon is. Especially if the characters are still arguably in-character and recognizably themselves even within the AU setting.

(I have mentioned elsewhere I'm verbose, haven't I? Verbose poster is verbose again...)

[trilliumg]

I don't mind somewhat AU as long as folks remain as in-character as possible. So…Alistair having a one-night stand and then sharing "his" girl with Cailan to teach her a lesson? I should have just avoided it. I did this as a favor to someone, too, which was my second mistake, and is partly why the lack of response bothered me so much. Ah, well. Several lessons learned this evening.

[msbarrows]

Yeah, hard to write something when you're not particularly invested in the scenario. I just learned that the hard way with a prompt on the k!meme too - filled one that was kind of tangentially related to a story I was thinking of doing anyway, and between having to change the story to fit the prompt, and then loosing interest in it because it wasn't focusing on the characters I'd really wanted to explore... yeah, it did not go well either. My first DA fic that I'm not at all happy with. I may eventually try to see if I can salvage enough good bits from it to cobble together something for the original idea I had in mind, and then post that on ff.net, but I certainly won't be cross-posting it in its current state. :\