Fanfic: Apostates of Amaranthine chapter 98

[amhran_comhrac]

Title: Apostates of Amaranthine: Chapter 98
Characters: Anders/f!Amell (Maggie)
Rating: M/AO (this chapter T)
Word Count: around 5000
Summary: Unlikely hero Maggie Amell attempts to rebuild the Grey Wardens and deal with continuing threats from the darkspawn, while trying to fit into a world that's a far cry from the tower. All this while the Chantry seems to wait around every corner, eager to remind her and Anders just what they think of mages who manage to escape Circle control.
In this chapter: Nothing like a calm, peaceful trip to visit friends in Denerim...

---

Anders and I set off almost immediately. Casting haste on the horses and dogs, we thundered down the pilgrim's path, stopping only once to sleep when halfway to Denerim.

Sitting by the fire at our warded campsite, I scratched behind Isolde's ears and sighed. "What do you think will happen?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he replied. "I… I really don't."

"Maker's breath, what a bloody mess."

"Yep," he agreed.

Neither of us got much sleep that night.

Once we reached Denerim we went straight to the palace. Alistair grabbed us from the main hall. "Tell me what happened?" I asked as soon as we passed into the royal family's private living quarters. He had a servant bring our things to what had once been my room, after Alistair had me moved closer to him when I was living in the palace. I spotted Wynne as we walked, sitting quietly with the red-eyed queen. She looked up and nodded in our direction.

"Duncan set his bed on fire," Alistair said, sitting in his study. "Or Bryce did. I don't know… They're both being pretty tight-lipped about who set the fire. It was Duncan's bed, though."

"So… it is both of them?" I asked. The letter hadn't specified, and I'd been holding out hope that it was only one."

"Identical twins, Maggie," Alistair said. I sighed, nodding. That should have occurred to me already. He groaned, rubbing his eyes. "I never expected I'd have to deal with this."

"I know," I said, getting up and sitting next to him. He buried his face against my shoulder when I hugged him, shaking slightly. "I'm so sorry, Alistair," I told him.

Sitting up, he nodded, wiping his cheeks. "I know. I…" Alistair looked at me and blushed a deep red. "Maker, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a mage, you know I don't, it's just…"

I shrugged. "We've known each other for fifteen years, don't bullshit on my account. It's a horrible thing, I never would have wished this for them. For anyone."

"Maggie, it's not that bad," Anders spoke up. "All things considered, I rather like being a mage."

"Well, so do I, but has life been easy? Ever?"

"They'll have it easier than we did," he countered. "This is hardly the end of the world. They won't even have to go to the tower. If anyone can afford a permanent tutor I'd hope it would be the king."

"Easier," I said. "And that… who knows. How will people react to this? They're not a couple of warriors like us, they're heirs to the damned throne!"

"I… I don't think they can be," Alistair said quietly. "Not anymore. Elissa and I were talking, and…"

I stared at him in surprise. He looked broken, head down, hands hanging limply between his knees. "You can't have any more children," I said. "Not after this many years…"

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped. "We couldn't even after they were born! But… a mage king? I might as well invite the Chantry to declare an exalted march!" Alistair shook his head. "No, I can't do that to Ferelden. My concerns are… greater than my family." I leaned back, nodding. He was right.

"How are they?" I asked.

Alistair shrugged. "They seem, well, the same as always. A bit quieter than usual, though. Both of them have been keeping to themselves, but…"

"They always have," I finished. He nodded. The boys were constantly side by side, since they were old enough to walk. He had said they even developed their own language, but it turned out they had only managed to learn a messy form of Antivan.

"I don't know," he said. "I… I should talk to them. I just don't know what to say."

Anders and I exchanged a glance. Alistair had gotten better at hiding his emotions, which meant he was now simply bad at it instead of completely horrible. Odds are, if he was upset, they knew it. And if he hadn't even talked to them about it… "Can we try and talk with them?" I asked.

He stared at me blankly. "Oh," Alistair said after a moment. "That's an idea. It… maybe talking to a mage would be good."
I nodded and got up, squeezing his shoulder before walking away. Anders followed me into the hall. "Poor kids," he whispered. "They're probably beside themselves."

I nodded, knocking on their door. "Come in?" called a nervous sounding voice.

I opened the door and stuck my head in. Bryce and Duncan were both sitting on the same bed, facing each other. Scraps of paper and thick dwarven writing sticks spread around them. "Aunt Maggie?" one of them asked as he saw me. "Are… are you here to yell at us?" It was Duncan, who always wore his hair short.

"Of course not," I said, walking in and sitting on the floor not far from them, my back against one of the beds. Anders glanced at their small child-sized desks, clearly contemplating the chair, before sitting behind me on the other narrow bed. "Why would I yell at you?"

"Because we started a fire?" Bryce suggested.

I shrugged. "It wasn't your fault. I've done the same thing myself."

"You have?" Duncan's eyes were wide.

"Of course," I said. "It was a long time ago, but I once burnt my hair clean off my head." I made a 'woosh' noise, gesturing around my head, and they finally cracked a smile.

"Once I hit a girl with lightning," Anders offered. "She grabbed me from behind. I didn't know she was there."

"A girl?" I said, grabbing his leg and laughing. "That was me! That was last month!"

"All right," he said. "Twice, then. But you froze my hair. Repeatedly. Almost every time we—" I cleared my throat and he chuckled. "Well, story for another day. I do get nervous every time you wind those fingers through my hair, though. I always know I'm going to end up very cold very soon."

"Did our father send for you?" Bryce asked.

"Not exactly," Anders told him. "He told us what happened. We decided that we should come see you."

"But not to yell?"

I sighed. "Maker's breath, Bryce, why would I come halfway across Ferelden to yell at you? I've got people I can yell at back home. And I can swear at them."

"Can and do," Anders said with a laugh. "But they deserve it. You two didn't do anything wrong."

"We set a fire, Uncle Anders," Duncan said. "I know mama says you two are strange, but you really don't think that's wrong? Playing with fire is dangerous." Apparently this was something they'd been told repeatedly, from the way he and Bryce both glanced at the fireplace with slight blushes and matched expressions of guilt.

"It is," I agreed. "But was it on purpose?" They were silent, looking at each other. Bryce whispered something to Duncan, who nodded.

"I speak Antivan," Anders said.

"Oh," he said. "Sorry, ser."

"Just tell us what happened," Anders said. "You did start the fire intentionally? That isn't the best idea, you know."

"I know," Bryce said. "We… we wanted to see if we could do fire, though. We didn't think it would spread." I looked over at Anders, his hazel eyes meeting mine. He clearly had the same idea.

"What else can you do?" I asked.

They exchanged another glance, Duncan climbing down and walking over to check that the door was closed. "You won't tell?"

I sighed. "If you don't want us to we won't, but… at this point there's no reason to hide it. Your parents know already."

"I guess," he agreed. They exchanged another glance and Duncan walked over to where I was sitting. He set a water glass on the floor and kneeled next to it. Screwing up his face in concentration, I could sense magic beginning to build up in him. He sat back on his heels a moment later, looking exhausted. "There." The glass was now filled with ice.

"We learned that first," Bryce offered. "Then we learned lightning, and how to make things shake. I… I just wanted to see if we could do fire. It was my fault."

"I started the fire," Duncan said.

"How long have you known?" I asked them, several suspicions falling into place.

"A year?" Duncan offered.

"No," Byrce said. "Two. It was just after we got ponies from Uncle Zevran. When one of them got hurt…"

"Right," Duncan said with a nod. He looked at his twin and grinned. "Bryce fixed him!"

"You healed?" Anders said, shocked. Bryce nodded. "That's… that's very good."

"It is?" Bryce looked surprised.

"Healing isn't easy," Anders said. "Your Aunt Maggie can't even manage. And then she went and got half her hand chopped off so no one would ask her anymore." I elbowed him and he chuckled.

"Can I see?" Bryce asked, eyes wide. Duncan nodded, returning to his seat next to his brother. I realized they had never seen me without the glove on since I'd been hurt. With a shrug I held my hand out. "Oooh," Bryce said.

"Neat," Duncan agreed. "Was it… all bloody and stuff?"

"Yes," I said.

"Woah," both boys said at once, grinning.

"After it happened one of the wardens gut the darkspawn who did it to fish out her wedding rings," Anders added. When I glared at him he shrugged. "What? I was an eight year old boy once." The three of them continued telling gross stories, trying to outdo one another. I waited for them to finish.

"What's going to happen to us?" Duncan asked after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Will we be sent away?" Bryce said. "Like you were? I heard dad telling someone about that once. That your father sent you away because…"

"Because I'm a mage?" I offered. He nodded, and both boys made a face at the word. "He did," I said. "But that was a long time ago. Things are different now. You're not going to be sent away."

"And if you do go somewhere," Anders added, "it'll be for a little while, to learn, and then you'll come home again."

"I don't know why we have to learn anything," Bryce said, arms folded. "We did fine by ourselves."

"Did you now?" Anders asked. "Destroyed bed and everything?"

"That was… bad aim," Duncan said, blushing.

"Right," I said. "Come on, on your feet."

"Where are we going?" Bryce asked.

"The battlements," I said. It was the best place I could think of where we wouldn't be seen, and wouldn't cause any damage. If they thought they knew all there was… well, the best way to prove them wrong seemed like showing them a bit of what Anders and I could do.
I stopped by Alistair's study on our way. "Taking your kids," I called.

"Where?" he said, looking up.

"To the roof."

He raised an eyebrow but nodded a moment later, probably understanding at least some of what I had in mind. He had sat on the battlements with me himself many times when I was practicing just to keep my skills up during my time in Denerim. "All right," Alistair said after a moment's hesitation. "Boys, be good, and don't go too close to the edge."

They both nodded, saying "yes, father."

Bryce moved to grab a torch as we approached the stairs. "Don't need it," I said.

"It's dark out," he replied, as if I didn't know.

I held out my hand, a ball of glowing light forming above my palm. "I know that," I said. "Don't waste torches, the poor mundanes can't see a thing without them." Anders snickered next to me, hearing the old Circle term for non-mages. It wasn't the nicest word ever, and I rarely used it, but I figured under the circumstances it might be a good thing, make them feel like we were part of some club instead of just… equally cursed.

"Sit there," I ordered, pointing to a spot against a wall by the door, a safe distance from any edges.

Anders summoned enough light to fill the area, earning a gasp from both boys. After all, they'd never seen anything more than Wynne's healing magic in action for skinned knees. "Who first?" Anders said.

I bowed in his direction and cast a shield. "Do your worst."

"I won't go easy on you," he warned striking lighting against my shield.

"I don't expect you to," I replied.

After I'd managed to deflect a barrage of primal spells and several complicated hexes we switched. As I finished I winked at Anders, raising my hands. He dodged out of the way just in time to avoid being covered in snow.

Standing at my side, he glanced over at the boys, who were both wide-eyed, judging the distance. A moment later a column of flame rose up over Denerim. "Showoff," I whispered.

"And you love it," he replied, arm around my waist. "Admit it: that is a gorgeous spell."

"It is," I said, before casting another spell to cut it off. "But we should probably avoid setting Alistair's children on fire."

"Ah, you're no fun," he said.

"I'll get you for that," I said, casting another spell and grabbing my staff with both hands.

A haze of purple flickered over his skin briefly, too. "Really, now?"

Moving at once, we both began unleashing a flurry of spells, staves swinging at each other. The sound of metal on metal echoed against the palace walls. He fired off lightning, while trying to sweep my feet out from under me at the same time. Ducking to avoid the spell, I jumped forward, knocking him to his back. "I win," I said, panting with exertion.

He smirked up at me, clearly not nearly as tired as I was. I was still trying to get back into shape after more than a year of sitting around, though. "I don't know," Anders said, hand on my leg. "I'm feeling like a winner right now."

I laughed for a moment before remembering we weren't alone. Jumping up I grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. Returning my staff to my back and adjusting the strap that held it in place, I looked over at Bryce and Duncan. "Still think you know everything?" I asked.

They whispered together before Bryce answered. "Maybe not," he admitted.

I walked over, sitting across from them. "Focus your mind," I said. I recited a few Tevinter words and made them repeat it. "All right, now say that while moving your hand like this," I demonstrated. I watched both closely. "Bring your thumb in closer," I told Duncan, adding "don't move your wrist so far" to Bryce. After a few tries both of them managed to get it right, laughing as the spell wisp circled over their heads. "There you go," I said. "You've just cast your first spell."

Duncan looked thrilled. "That was easier than freezing things," he said.

"No," I told him. "You don't know the spells to freeze things. It can be done with just concentration… but that's the hard way. If I want to freeze something I do this." I demonstrated, coating a nearby wall with ice.

We sat for some time, Anders maintaining a light around us, as the two of us told the boys about watching for dangers in the fade, and showed them a few more basic spells. Finally, as they began yawning, we all went back inside. "Aunt Maggie?" Bryce asked as we walked down the stairs. He was speaking too quietly for Duncan and Anders to hear him. I looked over and gestured for him to go on. The boys were already past my shoulders by now, they'd end up as tall as their father. "Is… is there a way not to be a mage?"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "No," I said. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I didn't think so."

"Really, it's not a bad thing," I said. "You can do the same things as anyone else, and even more on top of that. It isn't like when Anders and I were young, you won't have to go to the tower, they won't try and stop you from getting married or having a family."

He sighed. "I won't be king, though."

"Flames take the stupid crown," Duncan spoke up. "I never wanted to be king or anything else. I want to be a Grey Warden, like dad."

"I did," Bryce said, pouting slightly.

"Well you can have it," Duncan said.

"No, I can't," Bryce snapped. "Magic exists to serve man, never to rule over him! You know that! I can't do anything now." He stomped a foot. "I wish this never happened." He glared at his brother. "It's your fault. You and the stupid fire spell. If we hadn't tried that no one would have found out!" They began swinging at each other. After a moment of shock Anders and I jumped in, each grabbing a boy around the waist and pulling them back.

"Enough," I snapped. "Your father trained to be a damned templar, you really think he wouldn't have figured it out eventually?"

Bryce gasped and Duncan put a hand over his mouth. "I said that word once," he whispered. "And my mouth got washed out with soap!"
"Well, when you're a Grey Warden you can swear all you want," I said. "It's one of the rules."

"Really?" Duncan said.

Anders snickered as I nodded, saying "really." I met his eyes over their heads and shrugged. It seemed the best excuse.

"I can't wait to be a Grey Warden," he said again, grinning. I silently prayed he would change his mind some day… or sign up after I was gone. The alternative was too much to think about just yet.

"He's young," Anders whispered, perfectly reading my expression. "He'll forget it in a year or two."

"I didn't," I said quietly.

Anders and I said goodnight to the boys, leaving them to get ready for bed. Alistair passed us in the hall, stepping into their room. Elissa was sitting in his study when we returned. She glanced up, nodding. Her eyes were red-rimmed. "I'm glad you came," she said, voice dry. "We couldn't think of who else to call."

"Of course we came," I said.

"I wrote the Circle, they're sending us a tutor," she said. "I didn't say who it was for. A… Petra? I think. Does that sound familiar?"

"I know her," I said. "She's a good choice."

Elissa nodded. "I'm glad Anora had a child," she said after a moment. "I don't know if Fergus will ever remarry… and… now the succession is in doubt again." She sipped her tea. "We've called a Landsmeet."

"Good idea," I said, not sure if it really was, but not wanting to say anything else. Really, I knew Alistair simply didn't have it in him to hide this, though. He couldn't tell a lie if his life depended on it.

"We'll suggest Anora's daughter, Celia, as the new heir-presumptive," she said. "Of course, they may decide to leave it with Bryce, but... I find that unlikely." She glanced around, dropping her voice. "Honestly, I don't have it in me to disinherit my own son, magic or no. I know the Chantry would declare war… but they're my children. I'd rather leave it to the nobles to decide." I couldn't blame her for that.

"I don't know if I'll be able to vote," I said after a moment. She looked at me, surprised. "I can't trust myself to do what's right for Ferelden." Sighing, I pulled my feet up onto the chair. "I know Bryce still wants to be king, he just told me… I couldn't vote against him. No more than I could vote to, I don't know, punish someone for being a mage." She nodded, understanding. "Maybe I'll have Nathaniel come up and vote for me. He's my second, so it's allowed."

Alistair joined us a moment later, while we thought about that. "Did they say anything to you?" he asked, closing the door gently.

"They've known," I said. "This isn't a new thing."

He sat down, groaning. "How long?"

"A long time," Anders offered. "One of their ponies got hurt the first time they went out riding, Bryce told us he healed him."

"Maker's breath," Alistair said. "Well, first off, they're not ponies, they're bloody Antivan geldings. Zevran spent a damned fortune on the things, and they insist on calling them ponies, much to his frustration." I laughed at that, just imagining Zevran's face. "And second… that was almost two years ago!"

"That's what they said," I replied. "The fire wasn't an accident…." Elissa sucked in a breath and I waved my hand. "I mean, it was. They didn't set out to burn the bed or anything; they're not insane. They were trying to cast fire spells, though. Duncan wanted to see if they could do it. And, well…"

"Evidently he has a gift for fire spells," Anders finished.

"Well then," Alistair said after an uncomfortable silence. "I suppose it's a good thing I was recruited to the Wardens." I gave him a curious look. He shrugged. "Two years and it takes a fire for me to notice I'm sitting next to a couple little mages at every meal? I would have been the worst templar ever."

I looked at him and, despite myself, started laughing. It wasn't long before the four of us were giggling like fools, unable to stop thanks to exhaustion and the absurdity of the situation.

"What does Eamon say?" I finally asked when I could speak clearly.

Alistair shrugged. "He offered to write Connor, get him back from Tevinter to teach the boys. I said not to be silly."

"Connor focused in mysteries of the Fade, not teaching," I said. "Nice thought, but they're better off with Petra."

Elissa cleared her throat, looking at Alistair. He sighed. "Fine," he said. "Look," he said, glancing from me to Anders and back again. "Can you take them? For a bit?"

"Bad idea," Anders said quickly. "They're both worried about getting sent away, so you want to send them away?"

"I know, I know," he said. "It's just… I don't know how the Landsmeet will go, I don't know how people will react. I'd feel better if they were somewhere else, outside Denerim. Safe."

"You think someone would—" I pushed my hair back, sitting up straighter.

"I don't know!" he said again. "I won't take the risk, though. If it was my life, sure. But… not theirs."

"All right," I said finally. "But you're explaining why to them. I don't want to find out they think you're just sticking them with us since we're mages."

"I am," Alistair said nervously. "I mean, not like that, but that is the reason I asked you and not, say, Fergus. He is the better choice, really… what do either of you know about kids?" I shrugged, not finding much argument with that. "But… would he know what to do if one of them set the other on fire? Or how to explain the fade?" He pushed his hair back, sighing. "It's not because I want to get rid of them. I hate the idea. But I want to know they're safe, and I know you two… I will not send them to the damned Circle, and I don't care how much nicer it is now. Please, help me."

"I can't promise they won't return with an exciting new vocabulary," I warned.

He raised an eyebrow. "I can't pretend I wasn't already expecting that." Alistair made a face. "I also can't believe I'm about to say this, but… if you need help ask Jowan. His daughter seems, um…"

"Normal?" I offered.

"Right," he said. "I mean, don't take them with you to kill darkspawn or anything."

"Thanks for the tip, Alistair," Anders deadpanned. "Wouldn't have figured that out on our own. What would we do without your royal guidance?"

"Sorry," Alistair said. "A bit nervous here."

A few days later all four of us sat with the boys after lunch. "You're sending us away," Bryce said flatly, arms crossed. I gave Alistair a pointed look, this was exactly what I'd been afraid of.

"Only for a little while," he said. "And you get to stay with the Grey Wardens!"

"Damn the Grey Wardens!" he snapped. Oh good, they were picking up my bad habits already. How nice.

"Bryce! Language!" Elissa said, horrified.

Alistair groaned, clearly torn. "They should know why," I said.

He gave me a dirty look. "No, I don't think we need to get into… that."

"Well you will sooner or later," I said. "It won't go away. I still deal with it."

"How old were you when you found out?" Alistair said. I couldn't blame him for balking at the idea of telling his sons that he was sending them away because he was afraid someone could try to kill them, but it was something any mage had to deal with, even now.

"Four," I said.

"Six," Anders added.

"We're almost nine," Duncan said, clearly not catching the point of our discussion and latching onto the idea that we thought they were too young to learn something.

"Andraste's knickers," Anders grumbled, standing up and walking over to kneel in front of the boys. "You were born at a good time," he said. "You won't have to go to the tower, no templar will ever drag you through the streets or beat you, you can live where you want, earn your own living, marry who you want… and that wasn't true for me. But…" he shrugged. "Plenty of people miss how things used to be for people like us. There are still people who hate us for what we are, and always will."

"So?" Bryce said, arms still folded.

"So, what do you think those people will do when they find out the two of you are mages?" Anders asked.

The boys looked at each other, Duncan leaning over to whisper. "You think they'll do… something bad?" Bryce finally asked.

"They might try," Anders said.

They were quiet for a long time. "It… it isn't forever, is it?" Duncan finally asked.

"No!" their mother exclaimed, grabbing both of her sons into a hug. "You will be home as soon as possible." She held them until both began to squirm and pull back. Finally releasing her grip, Elissa looked from one to the other, telling them how much she loved them and how she would count the hours until they were home again. I wondered if this would be harder on the boys or their parents.

Anders and I made plans to leave not long after. Nathaniel was on his way, and Eamon had assured me the Warden banneron's paperwork let him vote in my stead. "We didn't know if you would ever be… out of commission when it came time for a Landsmeet," he explained.

"Wardens lives are a shade more dangerous than the average noble. Allowances were made."

The brief note I received from him, sent by one of the express couriers, said he and Sigrun would be traveling with Fiona. He was clearly confused, I'd only said I needed him in Denerim for the Landsmeet, not why, but probably assumed I would explain it when he arrived. The presence of a teary-eyed Fiona made things no more comprehensible for him. Being my second in command must be a nightmare, I thought, reading over his terse note.

I met them all at the Warden compound when they arrived, quietly explaining the situation in Caitlin's borrowed office. Fiona groaned, leaning against a wall. "I should have expected this," she said quietly. "Fine. Hopefully I haven't waited too long. Take me to him, it's long since time I talked to my son."

Comments

[scarylady]

Ouch, not a happy chapter :(

[amhran_comhrac]

No, it's not... But I've been planning this for a LONG time. I seriously only got Alistair hitched so I could give him kids, so they could end up mages. That long. ;)

I think the next chapter will balance this one. I hope. :)

[scarylady]

No complaints here. I'm not one of your corned-beef-tin-bomb loonies. I accept unhappy chapters.