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peopleofthedas2011-02-12 10:49 pm
lenna_nightrunner) wrote in peopleofthedas2011-02-12 10:49 pm
The VLS'v B-Sides: Track Four
Occurs between Chapters 48 and 49
Title: Waiting By the Wayside of an Endless Reverie, Where All the Things I Run From Are Sure Enough to Find Me. (Azam Ali)
Rating: T
Word Count: 2580
Summary: Alistair has some decisions to make, whether he wants to or not.
Special thanks to Shimmy for Alistair-ing this up and lots of other help because she's amazing.
ALISTAIR
The second Tesni and Caerwyn had ridden out of sight I was overwhelmed by panic. I wasn’t cut out for this. There was no way I could do it. Me, gather troops? Train and lead an army of soldiers and mages? Sure, and while I’m at it, I’ll just tell the archdemon to go home and then have tea with Loghain.
I had Teagan to help me, but he kept making me make decisions. I didn’t like making decisions. How should we organize the barracks, Alistair? What kind of training should we coordinate for the soldiers, Alistair? What would you like for dinner, Alistair?
Then there was my main job: teaching everyone how to fight darkspawn. I tried to remember everything Duncan had taught me. There was so much I was supposed to know, but Ostagar.... If I let on how little I’d been trained, why would anyone listen to me? So I pretended and hoped I wouldn’t give myself away.
“Darkspawn aren’t like other enemies,” I said to a group of the soldiers from Rainesfere who had gathered in the Great Hall so I could give them a lecture. They looked thrilled to be there. “They don’t really... feel pain like we do, so they’re hard to stop.”
I wondered if everyone felt this sweaty when they had to talk to more than five people. Maybe I shouldn’t have put on that third shirt I usually needed to keep warm in the keep.
A very young soldier near me raised his hand hesitantly. “How do we kill them, then, Warden?”
Killing them. Right. Well, there wasn’t much to that: “Cut through them until they can’t fight back anymore.”
The soldiers who hadn’t fought darkspawn before looked skeptical, but the ones who had were nodding their heads in agreement.
“Now, this is the most important part.” I paused until everyone was paying attention. “Don’t let their blood get in your mouth, nose, eyes, or any wounds,” I warned. “If you think you might have, get away as quick as you can and find a healer or clean water to wash it out.”
I swallowed and tried to keep my face emotionless and voice level like Tesni and Caerwyn could. “Some of you have seen... what happens if you don’t.” I looked around at the haunted expressions of the soldiers who’d probably lost friends and comrades to the darkspawn taint.
More of them would see what I meant before the Blight was over. Some of them would even feel it themselves. And in a way, it would be my fault, because I was the reason why they were here at all. I was a Grey Warden. I had asked for their help.
So I did my best to make sure they knew how to stay alive when the time came.
Keeping busy helped distract me, but not all the time. When I did what Teagan called “brooding” and Wynne affectionately referred to as “moping,” they assumed I was pining after Tesni. The way I blushed when one of them teased me about it didn’t exactly convince them that it wasn’t like that. Then they moved on to Zevran (I was going to kill that smug little Antivan if--no, when--he got back), and then, Maker help me, Caerwyn. Between actually considering Tesni and Caerwyn my sister and brother and Zevran being, well, Zevran, all three thoughts were horrifying.
But there was no way to make them understand, so I stopped trying.
When the first nightmare since they’d been gone hit me I was halfway out of bed before I realized that no one would be in Tesni’s. I lit the candle sitting on the table near me and sat there alone, breathing shakily and waiting for the burning in my veins to ease. When it was gone my blood just felt... empty.
It dawned on me then that I’d never actually had an archdemon nightmare without another Grey Warden nearby. There were no other Wardens to wake up at the same time, to talk to until we could sleep again, to let me know they were there with their blood. No one else who knew what it was like to have an archdemon shred through your dreams and bellow at you until you came to.
I rubbed at my face and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to wake up enough that all of that green would go away. Going back to sleep now probably wasn’t a good idea. So I got up, threw on enough clothing to keep me from shivering, and went to Tesni’s study. Well, it was my study for now, but I still didn’t think of it that way.
The splotches of ink all over the top of her desk made me smile as I sat down at it and picked up a quill and a piece of parchment.
Dear Sister,
Did our obnoxiously loud and toothy friend wake you up, too? Just once I wish he’d wait until morning. I’ve got a lot to do! He should be glad he’s out of reach, because I wouldn’t want to be around our brother when he’s grumpy and has knives.
He’s like that most of the time, though, isn’t he?
I hope you both were able to fall asleep again. Maker knows we can all use it. Maybe not having enough of it is what’s making me unable to think of something else to write. I guess that’s all for now, then.
I miss you both. Come home soon.
Love,
Your Bigger Younger Brother
Two weeks since that first nightmare, and it felt like things were getting worse, not better.
“Would you talk to the mages for me?” I asked Wynne over breakfast.
She raised her eyebrows. Ah, this again: No asking. I had to make decisions.
“Right. Talk to the mages for me.”
I tried to ignore the smug look Teagan flashed her.
“About what, Grey Warden?”
I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to glare at Teagan, who was clearly struggling to keep from laughing.
“Teach them how to kill darkspawn,” I told Wynne. “I haven’t got a clue what mages do.” Other than fall over if I concentrated hard enough.
“As you wish, Warden.”
When Teagan made an amused sound I looked at him pointedly and stabbed at my eggs before turning back to Wynne.
“And teach them how not to kill the rest of us in the process. In case they haven’t noticed, lightning and metal armor are a... bad combination, you know.” Some of them definitely had noticed already; I’d seen what could happen if a mage caught a Templar off-guard. Barak used to be the best-looking of us, too....
“It will be done, Warden.”
And--Maker curse her--she bowed her head slightly before leaving the table. Teagan hurried after her, and I could hear him chuckling in the hallway as he walked away.
I decided to stab the rest of my eggs.
“I can’t do this,” I said to Wynne when she found me sitting at Tesni’s desk the morning after the third nightmare, staring at letters from the Bannorn. Three weeks between the dreams this time. Maybe he was being distracted by something shiny. Or juicy. Or... it was probably too much to hope that he’d simply died of boredom.
“What makes you say that?” She sat down in one of the chairs across from the desk.
“I’m making a mess of everything. The mages don’t trust me and the soldiers don’t respect me.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I can just tell.”
Wynne dropped a bit of her formality and just became Wynne again, talking to me and not the Grey Warden.
“You are doing a better job than you think, Alistair,” she said in a motherly tone, but when I scoffed she gave me a stern look.
“I have lived many years longer than you have, young Warden.” The formality was back, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. “I hope that I have collected a bit of wisdom along the way.”
“I—”
“You are one of the last Grey Wardens of Ferelden. It is your job to prepare these men and women for battle against the darkspawn, and you are more than capable of doing so.”
I hung my head and rubbed at my face wearily. “I don’t feel like I am.”
Wynne reached over and patted me on the shoulder. “You’ll have to do it anyway.”
Blast it, where had Teagan got to? I had an entire barracks full of his soldiers out in the yard sparring and he couldn’t even be bothered to help me get them to shut it long enough for me to put them into groups.
Well, he couldn’t blame me when one of them got stabbed because he didn’t know who he was supposed to be sparring with. I was seriously considering stabbing one of them myself by that point; I’d been hoping my favorite Old God would’ve left me alone again for more than another week and a half.
At least, I’d thought I’d had the entire barracks. But when I walked through one of the hallways I heard low voices coming from through a door off to my right, which was slightly ajar. Maybe they’d been given leave because they were injured or something. I would’ve walked by, except that I heard,
“—Wardens. Teyrn Loghain has declared them outlaws,” a man’s voice said. “To follow them is treason.”
A woman spoke next. “You’re accusing Bann Teagan of treason?”
“No,” the man said quickly. “Of course not. I’m just not sure he… made the right decision.”
“Bann Teagan trusts the Grey Wardens,” the woman said. “He must have his reasons.”
“But maybe the Wardens are deceiving him.” A third voice; he sounded young.
“They have powers they haven’t explained,” the first man agreed. “What makes them so different from the rest of us? What are they hiding?”
“Do you really think there’s some kind of conspiracy here?” the woman asked skeptically. “What motive could they have?”
“With the size of the army they’re building, they can do whatever they want. They could rule Ferelden like the Orlesians did!”
The woman snorted. “Rubbish.”
“Indeed,” I said as I pushed the door open and stepped into view. All three looked like mabari caught stealing the roast on a feast day. The younger man cringed when I closed the door behind me.
“G-Grey Warden,” the older man stammered. He was clearly the most seasoned soldier, with battle-scarred features and a grizzled, greying beard.
The woman—tall and strong with dark hair—and the boy, who turned out to be the one who’d asked me how to kill darkspawn, echoed him: “Grey Warden.”
“Maybe I haven’t made this clear,” I said. “Teyrn Loghain can’t be trusted. He abandoned King Cailan and left him, his army, and the Grey Wardens to die at Ostagar.”
“Meaning no disrespect, Warden,” the older man said, though he didn’t look like he cared whether or not he disrespected me at all, “but how can you know that?”
“I was there.”
“But—”
I crossed my arms and stared him down. “I was there. If you don’t believe me then you don’t belong here.”
The man closed his mouth.
“Do you have a wife?” I asked him.
“Yes, Warden.”
“Do you have children?”
He nodded. “Yes, Warden.”
“Do you really think Teyrn Loghain is going to save them from the darkspawn?”
He didn’t answer.
“If you do, then leave.” I could feel anger welling up in my chest. “See if you can get to Denerim through the lands that Loghain’s too busy to protect.”
The man looked taken aback, the boy frightened, the woman… impressed. I was struck silent for a moment at the harshness of what I’d just said. I swallowed and tried to soften my tone.
“The Grey Wardens are sworn to kill the darkspawn and end the Blight,” I said to all three of them. “But we can’t do it without your help. If you want to save the people and lands you love, you need to trust us.”
The woman nodded, and then raised her hand to salute me. The boy looked at her, then back at me, and followed her example. Then finally, very slowly, the oldest soldier met my eyes and raised his hand as well.
“Hail, Grey Warden.”
Another two weeks. Then the archdemon and his fangs were back, showing off. Such nice teeth, too, but not worth losing sleep over. Unfortunately, the Grey Warden wasn’t allowed to have naps or a lie-in. I knew for a fact that even Teagan got to have a nap every now and then when the soldiers were out training, but not the Grey Warden. Grey Wardens had important decisions to make.
So I wandered around the keep all day deciding things. This chair would look better in that corner. Those sheets need washing. Maker’s breath, how are we supposed to defeat the Blight if the door hinges are squeaky?
“Grey Warden?” said a woman’s voice from behind me as I was inspecting the dust on a windowsill. I stopped and turned to face her. I’d been expecting one of the soldiers, but instead found, very much to my surprise, a mage.
“What do you need?” I tried to sound as friendly and non-threatening as possible. Luckily it was easy not to look threatening when you’d been caught scowling at cobwebs.
“I-I wanted to ask....” She seemed to struggle to meet my eyes. “First Enchanter Irving says I’m really good with both fire and ice. Which one is better against the darkspawn?”
She wanted my advice on magic? Not Wynne’s? I wasn’t sure what to say at first, and she took that to mean that I didn’t want to talk to her.
“Never mi--”
“I’m not a Templar, you know,” I said with a smile. “I would’ve been terrible at it anyway. Trust me. No discipline, the Knight-Commander said. Apparently having a sense of humor is against the vows.”
She giggled, and I saw her relax.
“Ice,” I said after thinking for a moment. “They’re both helpful, but ice is better when you’re working with soldiers. It slows the darkspawn down and makes it easier to cut through them, and also plays better with plate. Less burning.”
The girl was smiling as she nodded her understanding. “All right.”
“But if you’re protecting yourself or on your own, use fire,” I added. “You’ll kill them faster that way.”
Come to think of it, being good at both of those things would probably be very handy against darkspawn.
“Thank you, Warden.” She bowed her head slightly and turned to leave.
“Why didn’t you ask Wynne?”
The girl thought for a moment and shrugged. “You’re the Grey Warden.”
More burning. More green. More bellowing and calling and I was sick of being scared so I decided to be angry instead. Angry and lonely and impatient. I wanted to use my sword and shield again. I wanted to do what Grey Wardens were made to do: kill darkspawn; stop the Blight.
Me? Organize an army? I wouldn’t even know where to begin. The mages don’t trust me and the soldiers don’t respect me. You are one of the last Grey Wardens of Ferelden. It is your job to prepare these men and women for battle against the darkspawn.
The Wardens are strongest when we’re together.
Come home, sister. Come home, brother. We’re ready.
"If you don't believe me then you don't belong here."
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Excuse me a moment while I give my fangirl swoony-sigh.
Someone has been spending too much time around Caerwyn.
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Alistair, Slayer of Breakfast!
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Well, I guess in contrast to Faolan, Adhara, and even Evie, she does. Huh. Everyone must think I was raised in a barn.
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Someone needs to teach him to delegate, though - sheets and door hinges? yeah right.
That's a great screenshot; for once he looks nearer thirty than twenty.
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Shimmy always finds the best screenshots!
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Alistair: knows how to hold a sulk. :D
And I've no idea what happened to him in that screenshot. Either rage ages him well or my texture mod + WK lighting makes him look like an adult.
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I loved the scene with him and the three soldiers. “See if you can get to Denerim through the lands that Loghain’s too busy to protect.” *fistpump* Yeah!
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And yes, we're hoping that the time apart is going to be for the best.
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I don't think you realize how much I was giggling at this when I read it this morning XD So very VERY Alistair. <3
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