Secret Desires Interlude: Reflections and Fantasies

[kelcat]

Title: Reflections and Fantasies
Characters: Nathaniel, with quite a few daydreams of Anders
Rating: AO
Word count: ~1900

Summary: Nathaniel tries to find a way to distract himself.

A short interlude until I get motivated enough to finish the next full chapter, this is set not long before "When the Cat's Away."

During the course of some research, I found out that May is National Masturbation month here in the U.S. (gotta love America!) I figured what better way to celebrate such a momumentous holiday than with a good old-fashioned self-loving fic.

---

Anders was with her tonight, Nathaniel knew it. He was sharing her bed; kissing her; making love to her, as Anders would likely call it. And that shouldn't bother him in the least… but it did.

Anders spent every night with Solona, of course – it was his room as much as hers – but Nathaniel never put much thought into that, never really cared. He suspected that their love life wasn't quite as prolific anymore, not since Nathaniel had secretly come onto the scene. And even when they were intimate, Nathaniel rarely knew about it. Suspected, yes, but usually Anders and Solona weren't obvious about their nights of intimacy.

Tonight was different, though. It had been exactly one year ago today that they'd defeated the Mother, and apparently Solona was determined to celebrate it with her lover. She didn't come out and announce it, of course, but Nathaniel knew. He knew it in the way that Solona fawned over Anders all through dinner, and he knew it in the way that Anders had avoided looking at Nathaniel. It shouldn't bother him… but it did.

What made it even worse was that Nathaniel was lying in his own bed alone. He had had his share of casual lovers here in the Keep; not all of them before he and Anders had started… whatever it was they had. The logical thing for him to have done upon realizing what Anders would be up to tonight would have been for Nathaniel to seek out his own company; he hadn't though. Instead, he'd spent a few hours in the library before going up to his own empty room.

Though, even if he had invited someone to share his bed tonight, they wouldn't still be there; Nathaniel very rarely allowed a lover to spend the night. It was too intimate, too personal. But at least he would have had company for a few hours, along with a chance to sate himself and channel his frustration into something worthwhile. Instead, he was lying there in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying not think about what was likely going on in Anders' and Solona's bedchambers. He focused instead on all of the things he would do to the mage to make up for this. Any time that he knew or suspected that Anders and Solona had been intimate, Nathaniel felt a certain animalistic need to reclaim what was his in the form of rough, dominating sex. If he had deigned to give the man more credit, he would have realized that it was for precisely that purpose that Anders sometimes hinted vaguely about his plans for the evening with Solona. The thought never occurred to Nathaniel, though.

He'd had so many fantasies about the mage in recent months, each one dirtier than the last, and he'd been able to fulfill quite a few of these fantasies. There was one daydream that he'd never had the chance to act out, though he still held out hope that eventually there would be an opportunity to do so. Provided there was a full day where no one would question why Anders wasn't around, that is. It was this dream that Nathaniel dwelled on now, his hand wandering down beneath the waist of his sleep pants.

Anders would be tied up – one of Nathaniel's favorite things to do to the mage – his hands, and possibly his legs, bound to the bedposts. Nathaniel's fantasy was to take the mage over and over, all day long. He'd tie his lover up in the morning and fuck him senseless, making sure not to let Anders come. Then Nathaniel would go down to breakfast, leaving Anders exactly where he was. He might wander up to the room again mid-morning, after lunch, before training – any time he could spare a moment to ravish the other man.

As he dreamt about the many ways he would take his lover while tied up, Nathaniel began stroking himself – long pulls, his fist squeezing gently every now and again. He thought about the moment when he would finally allow Anders his release, after hours and hours of Nathaniel sating himself on his lover.

It would be well past nightfall, after Nathaniel had fucked him one last time. Anders would be out of his mind with need – Nathaniel worked himself harder as he imagined the mage's voice pleading with him for release. He would be begging for it, Nathaniel would make sure of that. There would be promises to do anything Nathaniel wanted, so long as he allowed Anders to come.

He reached down and massaged his sac as he imagined himself lying in bed next to his lover, drinking in the pleas. He would make sure to murmur a few words of encouragement, his hands roaming over every inch of Anders' body, except for those few inches that were badly in need of attention.

Just when Anders was close to tears, that's when Nathaniel would wrap his hand around the mage's cock and pump him hard, just as he was pumping himself now. After being tormented all day, it would take only a few moments for Anders to reach his climax. But what a climax it would be. His seed would spill forth over Nathaniel's hand in a seemingly endless stream, hours of pent up need finally exploding out of him. Nathaniel would stroke him through it, milking every last drop of come from his lover's aching cock.

Nathaniel planted his feet on the mattress, bucking his hips up into his hand as he saw himself bringing his hand covered with Anders' seed to his mouth and licking his fingers clean. The image of relaxed bliss fixed on Anders' face was enough to bring Nathaniel over the edge in the here and now. With a low groan he came hard, the cords of his neck standing out as he rode out his orgasm, his warm seed spilling over his hand just as Anders' had in his fantasy.

His urges tended to, Nathaniel felt his body relax. He grabbed a corner of the sheet and used it to wipe his hand and stomach clean, then tossed it aside. His heartbeat, which had been racing during and after his explosive orgasm, finally slowed down to its normal pace. He wiped an arm over his face, clearing away the sweat that had broken out there. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, willing himself to go to sleep. But after several minutes he realized it was no use; even in his newly-relaxed state, he was still on edge. He could not get those thoughts of Anders out of his mind. Anders and her. Something needed to be done about that, but he wasn't quite sure what.

He refused to force Anders to leave her – that would just cause too many problems. Anders being in a relationship with her was convenient in many ways: it meant that Nathaniel didn't have to declare any sort of commitment to the mage, and that he was free to bed others if he so desired, without having to offer any excuses. He wasn't worried about Solona's reaction to it. Even though she was the Warden-Commander, and therefor his superior, he didn't give a rat's arse what she thought of him. If Solona were to find out that Anders was cheating on her with Nathaniel, there would be no guilt on Nathaniel's part. No apologies, no regrets. If her feelings got hurt because of it, that was her own damn fault. The only downside would be that she may retaliate in some way, such as appointing someone else as her successor if she ever decided to step down from her post. Amaranthine was Nathaniel's by right, and he would get it back someday, no matter what.

Even so, he didn't try too hard to keep his dalliances with Anders a secret. There were times when he purposely had the mage make noise while they were together, or chose spots where someone could very possibly walk in on them. It was the thrill of it that appealed to Nathaniel; the possibility of getting caught made the sex even more erotic than it already was. There was also a not-so-small part of him that relished the fact that he was repeatedly stealing away something that was precious to Solona. Even with everything he knew now, he still would never forgive her for murdering his father. Part of him wanted to be caught by her just because it would devastate her. But his sense of self-preservation was stronger than his desire for revenge.

Still, Anders would definitely need to make this up to Nathaniel. He would need a reminder of everything Nathaniel could do for him – and to him – that Solona couldn't. He decided that it wouldn't be enough to just tie Anders up and tease him; there needed to be more before he would truly be satisfied that Anders understood. Ropes or scarves wouldn't do... there would be leather cuffs, buckled around his wrists and ankles and anchored to the bedposts with chains or long leather straps. There was a leatherworker in Amaranthine that, for the right coin, was willing to make just about anything.

Perhaps a whip, even. Nothing big, but definitely noticeable. He had spent quite a bit of time in Starkhaven in his younger days, and a friend there had been very knowledgeable about various things to do with sex. His education in the matter rivaled that of the most refined and experienced whore. He had had a vast collection of whips and other toys, Nathaniel recalled, all of varying sizes and degrees of severity. One or two of them were so small that they could actually be used on the cock or the balls without causing any real harm. They were made of soft leather strips, no more than a couple of inches in length, but the areas of the body that they were designed for were sensitive enough that there would be a definite sting from the lashes, though they were meant more to stimulate than to actually hurt.

Nathaniel was growing hard again, just thinking about all of this. It was late enough at night that he seriously considered sneaking into Anders' bedchambers and secreting him out without waking Solona. A quick fuck up against the wall would be more than enough to satisfy Nathaniel's desire. But it was too risky, even by his standards. He settled on stroking himself again, thrusting his hips so that he was fucking his own hand, imagining it to be Anders'. It went faster this time, with thoughts of whips and handcuffs and other toys swimming through his mind. As he came for the second time, he actually had to bite down on his free hand to keep from crying out.

When he was done, drowsiness finally took over, his body's need for sleep finally overpowering his irritation and frustration. As he pulled the covers up around him and drifted towards sleep, his mind held on to one last thought: the mage would owe him a great deal for tonight's transgression, and Nathaniel would make sure to extract his payment in full.