All the world's a stage (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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peopleofthedas2011-12-22 09:02 pm
le_monde) wrote in peopleofthedas2011-12-22 09:02 pm
Secret Santa gift for Kelcat: Misgivings
Title: Misgivings
Author: Briala
Rating: T
Summary: Dreams or Nightmares? Freedom or Imprisonment?
Disclaimer: My thoughts are my own, everything else belongs to Bioware.
AN: Happy Saturnalia and Blessed Winter’s Day to Kelcat.
I must tell you the creation story of my little offering so you know why it is what it is, and admittedly, my journey is part of this minute gift. I have never written much on Anders, as frankly he scares the hell out of my Warden. If it had just been him, I think all would have gone well. But Jowan was my stumbling block. I wrote several stories halfway through or more and he never came out right, each one was rejected, wadded up, and thrown in the trash. I ranted at Jowan to stop, what I perceive to be, his whining and he couldn’t. I tried silly stories, I tried having them be children, I even tried to have them be two old men talking...something that might actually turn into something after a lot more time...and then there was this.
This little bit of character insight came after I had been up for nearly twenty-four hours on another project while agonizing about how I wasn’t making any progress on Jowan. After apparently face-planting on the keyboard for two hours sleep, I woke up suddenly and scrambled to throw this slip of a dream down so I would not forget it. I have to say, most of my ideas come from some bit of lightening my brain played with during the night. Ideas that when I wake up, urge me to grab the laptop from the nightstand and disrupt my morning routine. I do not know where this small offering leads, whether or not the observer/narrator ever does anything about his thoughts, but I would like to think that somewhere, somehow, they will meet again.
Thank you for this little nugget as it made me look at things from a different angle, from one I had never even considered until I nearly gave up and was given this fragment of a dream...
===
Every night I go to the Fade to watch you. Every night you dream of escaping your prison. I stand in front of you, in hopes that you will see and recognize me, but your eyes are blind to my power.
Every night I go to the Fade and you watch me. Every night I dream of escaping my prison. You stand before me, in hopes that I will see you and recognize you, but I pretend I cannot see you.
Every night I go to the Fade to speak with you. Every night I wish you would hear me. I talk to you, to remind you of my love, but your ears are deaf to my words.
Every night I go to the Fate and you speak to me. Every night I pretend you have not spoken to me. I try not to hear your words of love. I deafen my ears to your pleas.
Every night I go to the Fade to listen to you. Every night I wish you would speak to me. I wait nearby listening, but you are mute and no song, no words, no sound reaches my ears.
Every night I go to the Fade and cannot speak to you. Every night I pretend you are not there waiting. I am mute, my tongue removed. No song, no words, no sound will reach your ears.
Every night I go to the Fade to smell you. Every night I draw close to you, wishing to tuck my nose behind your ear, to sniff the fragrance of your hair, lavender and roses, sweet and pure. I step close to breathe in your scent but you no longer smell of these things.
Every night I go to the Fade and you smell me. Every night you draw close to me, I wish you would tuck your nose behind my ear, to sniff the forgotten fragrance of my hair, lavender and roses, but it is no longer. I close my eyes as you step closer to breathe in a scent long faded.
Every night I go to the Fade to touch you. Every night I reach out my hand remembering the smooth silkiness of your skin. I long to touch its milky whiteness. My hand passes through you. We are prevented even this contact.
I love you. I will free you. Barring all else, I will wait for you. You are my only love. See me. Hear me. Speak to me. Let me smell you. Let me touch you. I love you, Lilly, and will have no other.
I love you. Please free me. Barring all else, I will wait for you. You are my only love. Show me. Speak to me. Hear the words I cannot say. Breathe that which I no longer carry. Touch me. I love you, Jowan, and will have no other.
Oh Lilly. Oh Jowan. My lovers, I watch each night as you try to communicate with each other in the Fade. Each night the Templars observe to see if they can find and catch the ones not in their control. I long to free you from this burden. I cannot draw near enough to show you, to speak to you, to hear your the words. I long to breathe in your scents and to touch you, but I cannot without drawing the Templar’s attention. I love you both so much. I will watch and wait and if a night comes where I can draw close once more, I will be there. I love you.
His eyes opened as tears flowed down his cheeks. They played so many games to free him. Tricked Jowan’s friend who was sent away from the Circle, punished and made to join the Wardens; tricked Irving into believing they were really trying to escape; covering his escape in every way they could, his lovers put themselves at risk. He had made it, the seventh time he escaped and hopefully his last. Jowan, taking advantage of the situation, disappeared and ran for his own freedom. And Lily, oh Maker, she sacrificed herself to the prison of Aeonar for us, buying us needed time, in order to free us. Oh Maker. When will we have the power to account?
Looking up at the ceiling of the clinic, Justice already roaming through his mind, he knew that he could not reveal himself in the Fade to the ones he loved. The Templars would track him down and stamp their brand into his forehead. Having tried to track Jowan, he had discovered that the mage had somehow hidden his position using that damnable blood magic, and there was no connecting other than through the Fade. He knew that Jowan must have made a deal with a demon to accomplish this while he himself had allowed a spirit to take over his life, his body, taking away his choices for the same reason. He was just the same as Jowan...a slave possessed by another. Perhaps Lily was the one who was better off, she had been freed by her confinement, while they had become imprisoned because of their liberty.
Anders whispered, his voice rough, “I love you both so much.”
Author: Briala
Rating: T
Summary: Dreams or Nightmares? Freedom or Imprisonment?
Disclaimer: My thoughts are my own, everything else belongs to Bioware.
AN: Happy Saturnalia and Blessed Winter’s Day to Kelcat.
I must tell you the creation story of my little offering so you know why it is what it is, and admittedly, my journey is part of this minute gift. I have never written much on Anders, as frankly he scares the hell out of my Warden. If it had just been him, I think all would have gone well. But Jowan was my stumbling block. I wrote several stories halfway through or more and he never came out right, each one was rejected, wadded up, and thrown in the trash. I ranted at Jowan to stop, what I perceive to be, his whining and he couldn’t. I tried silly stories, I tried having them be children, I even tried to have them be two old men talking...something that might actually turn into something after a lot more time...and then there was this.
This little bit of character insight came after I had been up for nearly twenty-four hours on another project while agonizing about how I wasn’t making any progress on Jowan. After apparently face-planting on the keyboard for two hours sleep, I woke up suddenly and scrambled to throw this slip of a dream down so I would not forget it. I have to say, most of my ideas come from some bit of lightening my brain played with during the night. Ideas that when I wake up, urge me to grab the laptop from the nightstand and disrupt my morning routine. I do not know where this small offering leads, whether or not the observer/narrator ever does anything about his thoughts, but I would like to think that somewhere, somehow, they will meet again.
Thank you for this little nugget as it made me look at things from a different angle, from one I had never even considered until I nearly gave up and was given this fragment of a dream...
===
Every night I go to the Fade to watch you. Every night you dream of escaping your prison. I stand in front of you, in hopes that you will see and recognize me, but your eyes are blind to my power.
Every night I go to the Fade and you watch me. Every night I dream of escaping my prison. You stand before me, in hopes that I will see you and recognize you, but I pretend I cannot see you.
Every night I go to the Fade to speak with you. Every night I wish you would hear me. I talk to you, to remind you of my love, but your ears are deaf to my words.
Every night I go to the Fate and you speak to me. Every night I pretend you have not spoken to me. I try not to hear your words of love. I deafen my ears to your pleas.
Every night I go to the Fade to listen to you. Every night I wish you would speak to me. I wait nearby listening, but you are mute and no song, no words, no sound reaches my ears.
Every night I go to the Fade and cannot speak to you. Every night I pretend you are not there waiting. I am mute, my tongue removed. No song, no words, no sound will reach your ears.
Every night I go to the Fade to smell you. Every night I draw close to you, wishing to tuck my nose behind your ear, to sniff the fragrance of your hair, lavender and roses, sweet and pure. I step close to breathe in your scent but you no longer smell of these things.
Every night I go to the Fade and you smell me. Every night you draw close to me, I wish you would tuck your nose behind my ear, to sniff the forgotten fragrance of my hair, lavender and roses, but it is no longer. I close my eyes as you step closer to breathe in a scent long faded.
Every night I go to the Fade to touch you. Every night I reach out my hand remembering the smooth silkiness of your skin. I long to touch its milky whiteness. My hand passes through you. We are prevented even this contact.
I love you. I will free you. Barring all else, I will wait for you. You are my only love. See me. Hear me. Speak to me. Let me smell you. Let me touch you. I love you, Lilly, and will have no other.
I love you. Please free me. Barring all else, I will wait for you. You are my only love. Show me. Speak to me. Hear the words I cannot say. Breathe that which I no longer carry. Touch me. I love you, Jowan, and will have no other.
Oh Lilly. Oh Jowan. My lovers, I watch each night as you try to communicate with each other in the Fade. Each night the Templars observe to see if they can find and catch the ones not in their control. I long to free you from this burden. I cannot draw near enough to show you, to speak to you, to hear your the words. I long to breathe in your scents and to touch you, but I cannot without drawing the Templar’s attention. I love you both so much. I will watch and wait and if a night comes where I can draw close once more, I will be there. I love you.
His eyes opened as tears flowed down his cheeks. They played so many games to free him. Tricked Jowan’s friend who was sent away from the Circle, punished and made to join the Wardens; tricked Irving into believing they were really trying to escape; covering his escape in every way they could, his lovers put themselves at risk. He had made it, the seventh time he escaped and hopefully his last. Jowan, taking advantage of the situation, disappeared and ran for his own freedom. And Lily, oh Maker, she sacrificed herself to the prison of Aeonar for us, buying us needed time, in order to free us. Oh Maker. When will we have the power to account?
Looking up at the ceiling of the clinic, Justice already roaming through his mind, he knew that he could not reveal himself in the Fade to the ones he loved. The Templars would track him down and stamp their brand into his forehead. Having tried to track Jowan, he had discovered that the mage had somehow hidden his position using that damnable blood magic, and there was no connecting other than through the Fade. He knew that Jowan must have made a deal with a demon to accomplish this while he himself had allowed a spirit to take over his life, his body, taking away his choices for the same reason. He was just the same as Jowan...a slave possessed by another. Perhaps Lily was the one who was better off, she had been freed by her confinement, while they had become imprisoned because of their liberty.
Anders whispered, his voice rough, “I love you both so much.”