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peopleofthedas2011-01-15 05:23 pm
amhran_comhrac) wrote in peopleofthedas2011-01-15 05:23 pm
Apostates of Amaranthine: Chapter 92
Title: Apostates of Amaranthine: Chapter 92- "I'd rather eat a bowl of broken glass."
Characters: Anders/f!Amell (Maggie)
Rating: M/AO (this chapter T)
Word Count: around 5000
Summary: Unlikely hero Maggie Amell attempts to rebuild the Grey Wardens and deal with continuing threats from the darkspawn, while trying to fit into a world that's a far cry from the tower. All this while the Chantry seems to wait around every corner, eager to remind her and Anders just what they think of mages who manage to escape Circle control.
In this chapter: Time to put on the big girl pants and be a Grey Warden once again.
Anders and Jowan found me hiding in the wine cellars with Oghren. I had slipped a translation of the letter and a note about where I'd be under Nathaniel's door since he was out for the evening and went to look for the berserker. Along the way I posted notices about a mandatory all-Warden meeting the following morning. "Mags?" he said, seeing the expression of panic on my face.
"Drinking time," was all I responded with. "Come on."
"It's not sodding fair," Oghren said, throwing an empty bottle at the wall where it smashed. "We barely survived the first one!"
"Maggie?" Anders called, ducking before he was hit by glass.
"Oh, sorry," Oghren said. "Wasn't aiming at you."
"Is… something wrong?"
"Yes." Anders looked at me, waiting for me to elaborate. "What's the very worst thing ever?"
Anders and Jowan both stared at us. "No," Anders said.
"Maybe."
"No," he repeated.
"Alain has seen increased activity near one of the known locations."
"Wait," Jowan said, looking at us. "You know where they are? The old gods? You know where they are right now?"
"Yeah," I said.
He slid down the wall, sitting near me. A moment later he reached up for a bottle off the rack. "So… why haven't we killed them?" Jowan asked before taking a deep drink. "I can't believe I just said that," he added a moment later. "I blame you for this, so you know."
"I don't know, bloodthirsty kind of works for you," Anders said with a chuckle as he sat next to me. "And we haven't killed them because best we know one is encased in solid rock and another is under the ocean."
"Oh." He glanced at Anders. "Wait, you knew, too?" Anders only shrugged in response. "So many secrets," he muttered.
"Be glad you've got me as your commanding officer," I said. "Back when I joined you know what they told me? Nothing. Alistair and I didn't even know how to kill the archdemon until just before the battle with it in Denerim!" I sighed. "I can't tell everyone everything. If people knew this… well, how long until someone takes it upon themselves to try and be a hero?" Shrugging, I added "it's all written down, in case something happens to everyone who knows."
"When did you get so damn responsible?" Jowan asked.
"Don't have much choice," I said. "I'm the boss."
Anders sighed. "You think it really will be…"
"I don't know," I said. "I honestly have no idea. I know their numbers aren't high enough. But if they're breeding like mad because they expect it to take a decade or two to reach the bastard, well…" I took another breath. "I never thought I'd have to face this again."
"Well, it's not one yet," Anders said. "We… we'll know when it is, right?"
I nodded. "You have a dream of a dragon, well, let me know. I'll be the one screaming in her sleep."
The next morning, once all the Wardens were in the main hall, I had the mages go around warding the doors after kicking any staff members out. "All right," I said, not bothering to hide my concern. "Everyone come close, and… you'll probably all want to sit." Once they had I sat on the dais that once held the throne, thankfully never replaced after the keep was rebuilt. "So… there's no easy way to tell you this. Right now I, as well as most of the commanders and senior Wardens in Thedas, know of the locations of the last two old gods." Everyone started gasping and looking around in shock, I gestured for them to be quiet. "Now, I'm sure you all know that none of us have figured out just what, if anything, the difference between an old god and a regular high dragon would be. So while we know each of them would mean another blight, we don't know if the blights end with them. But… I've just been informed by Commander Alain of Orlais that the darkspawn have made a push towards one of these locations."
Nathaniel stood up and unrolled a map of Orlais once the talking had died down. "This," I said, pointing, "is the general location of the old god."
"Where is the other one?" Tobias asked. "Can we get to it? Kill it before they make another move?"
"It's under the Amaranthine Sea," I said. "About halfway between us and Ostwick in the Free Marches. So… inaccessible to us, but also inaccessible to the Darkspawn."
"Let's hope," he said.
"What else can we do?" I said. "I can't breathe underwater indefinitely to cast spells, I doubt any of you would fare much better." I sighed.
"There are people in our confidence in Orzammar who know of the location," I said. "They have some of their best people trying to find a way to tunnel under the ocean. It seems unlikely, though. The weight of the water would collapse everything."
No one seemed to have any more comments so I went on.
"Alain has asked for our help," I said. "I wrote back to see exactly what he needs, but here's what we'll do for now, since mail from Orlais is slow. We're going to begin a massive recruiting push. I know we've been growing quickly, but we need more. I'm asking for a group of a dozen or so to volunteer and leave for Orlais immediately. Varel's already made the travel arrangements; you would sail in the morning." People began looking around. "This is not a permanent reassignment. I'm sure Alain wrote to me as soon as he found out, and I'm sure he has more information now. I don't know how long this will last but… I suspect we'll all be taking turns spending a few months there." I shrugged. "Commander Alain's a good man. He's a good Warden. I know none of you will have any problems working with him or our brothers and sisters in Orlais." I stood up. "Goes without saying that I'm likely to kill anyone who breathes a word of this to an outsider. Last thing we need is a riot." I began to pace. "This is not a blight," I said, almost shouting the words. "We're trying to stop it before it becomes one." I glanced out at the group. No one had any arguments.
Once we had the volunteers settled and sent them off to pack I called several of the more experienced Wardens into my office. I passed out copies of the Warden encryption. "Guard these with your lives," I warned. "You're each going to one of the garrisons, give that to the Senior Warden and let them know that all mailed communication has to be encrypted from now on. This gets away from you and we have no way to write to the other Wardens in Thedas securely." After making them each repeat what I had just told everyone I sent them off to grab a couple travel partners and deliver the bad news.
Nathaniel walked in while I paced the floor. "Eat," he said, setting a tray down on the small table against a wall. "This isn't going to solve itself today."
"I know," I said, thanking him and grabbing some food. "I…" Sighing, I fell back to my chair. "I never thought I'd have to deal with this again."
"It's not a blight yet," he said.
Standing, I closed the door. A few Wardens gave me nervous looks as I did. "It will be eventually."
He nodded. "I know. We can hold them off, but not forever." He drummed his fingers on the desk. "Best case scenario? Your opinion."
"Best case? We kill the archdemon the moment they find it. Before it rises, before it begins calling to darkspawn across Thedas."
"You don't think we can kill it before it becomes an archdemon?"
"How?" I shrugged. "We get to it before them, they'll follow. They corrupt it instantly, by touch." I paused, adding "or so I've been told. Who knows how true that is"
"I think you're right," he said. "Killing a dragon is anything but instant," he said. "Even a normal high dragon."
I nodded. "So… best case scenario? A blight that ends in a few hours."
He laughed at that. "Maggie, I think if you have the misfortune to be there when it does they might just make you a saint."
"Oh Maker," I laughed. "Can you even imagine it? The Divine would wet herself!"
After we calmed down he looked at me more seriously. "Will you go to Orlais… if…?"
"Absolutely," I said. "Would I rather eat a bowl of broken glass and rusty nails? Without a doubt. But I'm a Grey Warden before everything else. That hasn't changed."
He nodded. "Figured as much. You telling the king?"
"He's on progress now," I said. "He'll be here in a month or two anyways. I'll tell him then. No easy way to reach him before." I bit my nails.
"Have your dreams been worse, the last few days?"
Nathaniel looked thoughtful. "You know, now that you mention it… they were more intense."
"I wonder. Darkspawn, they have their… group mind or whatever. The thing we can sense and connect to. What if there's something similar for Wardens? What if our dreams were bad because the Wardens of Orlais have been reacting to this for days?"
He shrugged and wrote something in a book on his desk, saying "not sure."
"What's that?"
"This?"
"Yes, that," I said, trying to read over his shoulder.
"This is my book of theories," he said, handing it over.
I opened it and began flipping through. There were brief annotations with dates and, occasionally, names. Every time one of us had said "you know, I wonder if…" he had written it down. My theory on the Architect's creations being drawn to me because of the blood connection, Sigrun's recommendation to ensure the King of Orzammar knew how broodmothers were created because the majority were probably originally women sentenced to the deep roads, Anders' numerous theories on darkspawn magic- some written in Anders' own hand.
"How long have you been keeping this?"
He shrugged. "A few years. We're always saying that there aren't enough useful old records. I figured maybe some of the things we've had to figure out on our own could be useful in a couple generations. He colored slightly. "It's really not a big deal. Mostly my own reference."
"No, it's brilliant," I said. "Have I mentioned lately that conscripting you was one of the smartest things I ever did? Since it was." I leaned against the desk. "We do need a proper archivist, though. I should have gotten one years ago."
"Who usually does it? Traditionally, I mean?"
"Mages, from what I know. Not because magic is needed for the job, but because Circle mages will be able to read and write at least two languages. Literacy used to be much rarer before and during the occupation, from what I've gathered."
"Still fairly rare," he said. "Too rare." I nodded in agreement.
"Well, next trip to the Circle… which will probably be in a week or so, I'll try and look for someone who seems suited."
"You've got to be kidding me," Greagoir said when he saw me walk into the Circle a few days later. I was in full archdemon armor, armed to the teeth, as were Anders and Oghren. It seemed like a good idea to make sure anyone we recruited knew we still fought.
"I need to talk to you and Irving," I said.
"Yes, I think that's wise," he said.
Once we were settled in the First Enchanter's office I gestured to Anders, he got up and warded the door without a word.
"Is that necessary?" Greagoir asked.
"Yes," I said. "Look…" I pushed my hair back, looking down. "You've both always been good to the Wardens. You've never questioned my need for recruits, and you've kept what information you know about our order quiet. And I really do appreciate that." I took a breath and went on, "especially since I know our, um, history before I became a Warden doesn't give you much reason to. So… I'm telling you this now because I trust you." I exhaled, wishing that the blush I knew was forming would go away. I really didn't like admitting I was probably the most frustrating apprentice ever. And that they had every reason not to trust me or work with me.
"What's wrong?" Irving said, looking at me.
"There is… information only the most senior Wardens in each nation knows," I said. "I am aware of the location of the last two old gods," I said. "They're inaccessible to us, but the order knows where they are."
"All right," Greagoir said. "I'm not surprised the Grey Wardens would keep track of such things. Why are you telling us this?"
"Because the darkspawn are making a move for one of the last old gods," I said without any embellishment. Both men paled.
"You're sure?"
"Completely."
"And your plan?" Greagoir said, immediately turning to his military training.
"The old god in question is in Orlais," I said. "Working with Commander Alain, we hope to put up a barrier, stopping any darkspawn before they reach the location. And… when that no longer works, to kill the archdemon before it can rise and begin calling darkspawn to it."
"When?" the Knight-Commander said. "You assume this will fail?"
"There are millions of darkspawn," Anders said. "Only a few hundred Wardens in every country. We can't hold them off forever. It only takes one to slip by, just one to corrupt the old god."
Irving put his face in his hands. "So," he said a moment later, "you're looking for grist for the mill?"
"Hey!" Oghren said, standing up. "Name one time she threw away another person's life!"
I sighed. "He's right, in a way," I told Oghren. "We're all dispensable. We know that. We spend our lives in battle against an unstoppable enemy and we die so others can live."
"Doesn't mean you're about to throw a bunch of kids out as ogre snacks to slow them down." Oghren still sounded horrified. He had dark look on his face, I hadn't seen that since we fought the archdemon. Before that I'd only seen it at the moment he realized his wife had practically fed their family to the darkspawn so she could get more bodies to test the traps.
"Of course not," I said. "I can say we'll give them the best training in Thedas; that we can make them better equipped to meet the darkspawn head on than anyone else in the world. But I can't promise they'll be safe. Since they won't, no Grey Warden is. It's a dangerous job." Something struck me, a conversation from years ago. I looked at Oghren. "Do you remember what Sten said, after I'd recruited Loghain?"
Oghren groaned, stroking his beard. "Some quote from that book of his. He was glad you did it, though. I remember that. He went on and on whenever you weren't around about how impressed he was. Said it made him think you were more rational than the rest of your species."
Anders and Greagoir both snorted at that, holding back laughter. "All right," I said, looking at them and trying not to chuckle myself just from the sight of both of them smiling in the same room, even briefly. "Sten told me that he thought recruiting Loghain was wise because his people don't believe in wasting resources, and no resource is more valuable than a life. I always thought that was smart."
"What book is this from?" Greagoir asked.
"The Qun," I said. "Sten was the leader of a unit of Beresaad. That's like the best of the best among the qunari. He was sent here to learn about the blight for their rulers."
"That does not sound like anything the qunari I've heard of would say," Greagoir said.
"You'd be surprised," I said. "There's more to the world than what the Chantry tells you. Although their treatment of mages is… horrifying."
Anders looked at me and I made a face.
"That I have read," Greagoir said. "They cut out their tongues, and keep them in chains."
"Maker's breath!" Anders gasped.
"Yeah," I said. "He and I didn't get on at first. That, and because women in his society aren't fighters. But we were friends at the end."
"He used to have the same name for you and Shale," Oghren mused. "Never could figure out how the two of you ended up with the same nickname."
"It wasn't a nickname," I said. "It was… sort of a title. Or term of endearment. Kadan is the word for something you value highly in his language." I smiled. "Zevran and I went to see him off at the port of Denerim," I said. "Just before he got on the ship he told me that I was a warrior worthy to stand among the Beresaad. I think that's just about the best compliment anyone's ever given me." I shook my head, returning to the present. "I'm way too young to reminisce about old wars," I said with a chuckle. "Not when we've got another staring us in the face."
"You need recruits," Greagoir said.
"As many as possible." I paused when Oghren gave me a pointed glance. Hoping I wouldn't regret it, I said "you know, if you have anyone in training to be a templar who—"
"I can spare a few men, I think," he said. "I've got a few who have no real business being templars. Maybe you can do something with them."
"Would they be willing to take orders from a mage? To work with mages?" Anders asked him pointedly.
"I wouldn't recommend them otherwise," he said. "I do realize that the Warden Commander is a mage." He gave Anders a sardonic glance.
"Just checking," Anders said, holding his hands up.
We left with nearly sixty recruits, some of whom were actually Orlesians excited for a chance to return home free of their Circle. As we were gathering everyone near the doors Irving came back over to me. "Be careful," he said, giving me and Anders both a brief hug.
"Watch over your people," he said.
"I always do," I replied.
He nodded. "I figured as much. Never would have imagined I'd see the day…"
"I just found something I was good at."
"So it seems," he said. "Although I should point out that it's more accurate to say you found something you actually bothered working at. You would have made a fine Circle Mage if you'd only tried."
"Nah," I said, shaking my head.
He grunted noncommittally before putting a hand on my shoulder and looking from me to Anders. "Maker watch over you both," he said.
"Thank you, Greagoir," I said, surprised by how sincere he sounded. "Let's hope he watches over us all."
I was pleased to see the other Wardens I had sent out on recruiting missions trickling in with more people over the next few weeks and months. Eventually Alistair's progress made its way to us. I had everyone line up in fresh tunics when he arrived.
"Wow," he said after hugging me and returning their salute. "Lot of new faces around here. Lot of serious new faces." He paused and looked at me. "What's wrong?"
"Come on inside," I said.
"Oh, now I don't want to," he said, attempting to get me to laugh.
"It won't be any less true if I don't tell you," I said. "Come on."
He groaned, taking off his crown and following me in as the Wardens returned to training. "How many are there now?"
"As of yesterday one hundred and sixty eight," I said. "We have ten more going through the Joining tonight."
"Maker's breath," he said as we walked into my sitting room. "Expecting another blight?" His face went grey when I didn't answer. "All right," Alistair said, suddenly serious. "I know the archdemon hasn't risen yet. So what's going on?"
I went through everything I knew so far. Our first group of ten was still in Orlais for another month or so, and we'd already sent another fifty on. Alain had suggested three months at a stretch, letting people go home before they were so worn down that they would be a liability.
"So what's happening," Alistair said.
"They open tunnels, we blast them closed with magic or explosives. They try a new approach, we cut them off. It's at a standstill."
"For how long?"
"I don't know," I said. "Orzammar said they're seeing an increase in activity. That could mean they're building up numbers. Eventually… one will get through."
He took a breath, covering his face with his hands. "I… I don't even know what to say." He looked at me, horror in his eyes. "Another blight? So soon? This is a nightmare."
"It… it may be a good thing, in disguise," I said. "In the long term."
He raised an eyebrow. "This I have to hear."
"When else would we have a chance to kill the archdemon before it can rise?" I said. "We usually don't know until it's awake and moving and sending out that call. Now… we know where it is, and the moment it turns we'll be right there, ready to end it. We knew they would find the damned thing eventually. But we're lucky because they found it when we were looking."
"True," he said. "I just wish it wasn't in our lifetime. One was enough. More than enough."
"I may be wrong," I said. "Maybe we can hold them off. Who knows."
"Does the empress know about this?"
"She does," I said. "She's sent her own forces to supplement the Wardens."
"You think I should offer help?" He spoke again, before I could answer. "I mean I want to offer help. A blight is bigger than any one nation and you're right: this is the best chance we have to kill the bastard before it causes more damage. But should I speak to the ambassador? How secret is this? Would he even know?"
"Let me find out," I said. "I'll write to Alain in Orlais, using the Warden encryption, and tell him you're willing to send aid. I'll have him either contact you directly or find out if the ambassador knows. It's very quiet now. We don't want people to panic. This is an isolated area, right on the edge of the uncharted territories. It hasn't been bad keeping it hushed."
"I can't believe the normal Orlesian troops aren't blabbing," he said.
I shrugged. "I suspect that the methods of discipline there are a lot harsher than anything we would find acceptable. And they don't want a riot in Orlais any more than we would here."
"Let's hope," he said. "Since if it becomes common knowledge in Orlais it's only a matter of time before it spreads. I can't even imagine how people would react if they found out we might have another blight so soon."
Although Alain had said they suspected the group was led by one of the talking darkspawn, things began to look more and more like the start of a traditional blight. Even Orzammar sent aid once they'd noticed how much activity there was in the deep roads, supplementing the Orlesian and Fereldan forces working under the command of the Grey Wardens.
My initial estimations turned out to be too pessimistic. We held the line for one year, and then two. When Alain admitted in a letter that he had been in the field since the beginning I began packing, heading out with Anders, Oghren, Nathaniel, Sigrun, and Tobias, along with our latest batch of fresh men and women for the front. We stood at the docks, welcoming our brothers and sisters back who had just left Orlais, before departing on the very boat they had returned home in. They looked exhausted, but not defeated. I took it as a good sign. I tried not to feel sick as we traveled, not wanting to return to Orlais.
"You all right, boss?" Tobias asked as I stood on the deck, watching the port of Amaranthine shrink in the distance.
"I'll be fine," I assured him.
He looked dubious. But then, he'd seen Anders and I before the healers could get to us when we escaped in Orlais. "Well, me and Oghren got it all planned out," he said. "You two aren't leaving our sight on this trip. No walks in the park, got it?"
I laughed at that. "Tobias, we're going to war, not a bunch of meetings. Believe me, a walk in the park isn't on the schedule." He bit his nail, looking thoughtful. "It's all right to be scared," I said.
"Are you?"
"Of course I am," I said. "I'd be an idiot if I wasn't. I've just gotten used to hiding it. People get really nervous when they see me looking worried."
"Were you then?" he said after a moment. "I saw you, in the Alienage. You, Oghren, Loghain, and that elf… what's his name? The one who works for Alistair now."
"Zevran," I said.
"Right," he nodded. "Well, I watched you drive back the darkspawn. None of you looked scared."
"I was terrified," I said. "I knew there was a good chance I would die that day. But… you push it back. Focus on the moment." I glanced over at him. "You've seen more fighting than almost everyone in the order. You know what it's like."
"Yeah, but a bli—"
"It's not one yet," I said, cutting him off. "And watch your words when we're in public." A few people had taken notice of the Grey Wardens on the ship, I had already overheard someone musing aloud about why so many Wardens were traveling to Orlais lately.
"Right." He looked out across the water. "Well, you didn't look scared," he said finally. "I thought it was pretty impressive. An elf out there fighting shoulder to shoulder with the Grey Wardens. And then I realized that there's only one group people hate more than elves," he poked me in the shoulder at that, snickering, "and they put you in charge. After that I started telling everyone that some day I'd run off and join the Wardens, since any group that would actually put a mage in charge of things wouldn't have any problem with an elven pickpocket. Probably why the Haren dragged me in to meet you guys when you came to the alienage."
"I didn't know you were a pickpocket," I said.
He laughed and a moment later handed me back my purse. "See? Still got it."
"Nice job!" I said, genuinely impressed. I hadn't even seen him move.
Tobias laughed at that, turning to head back in as the air grew cooler. "Only you would get robbed and compliment the skill involved, boss. Only you."
To my surprise we were met in Jader by a royal escort. "Commander," the heavily perfumed man said, offering a strange salute, "the empress, she would like to meet with you."
I repressed a shudder. You're a Warden, I reminded myself. Not simply Fereldan. She had every reason to want to speak with the person who would be taking command of a massive military operation in her country. She couldn't try and invade Ferelden through me while I was in Orlais, after all. "Of course," I said, forcing a polite smile on my face.
He nodded. "Bring your command staff. We will ensure the rest of your people are taken to the Warden compound in Jader."
Once in the carriage I looked at her emissary. I wondered if he was actually nobility; even in the Orlesian court I couldn't imagine some minor functionary wearing so much jewelry and silk. Our own queen didn't wear so much. "What is the correct form of address for an empress?" I asked. The man looked amused. "Sorry, the Circle of Magi and the Grey Wardens don't put a lot of stress on teaching proper court manners."
"What do you call your king?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. "I call him Alistair," I said. "I suspect the empress wouldn't appreciate being called Alistair, though. It wouldn't make much sense, either, since from all I know her given name is Celine."
"At the very least she'd probably be pretty confused," Anders added.
He actually laughed at that. "I was told you were amusing," he said, pointing his finger at Anders and myself, still chuckling. I looked at Anders and shrugged, he rolled his eyes almost imperceptibly. "You would call her 'Your Imperial Majesty,'" the man said
"Well then," I replied, "let's go meet Her Imperial Majesty."
Characters: Anders/f!Amell (Maggie)
Rating: M/AO (this chapter T)
Word Count: around 5000
Summary: Unlikely hero Maggie Amell attempts to rebuild the Grey Wardens and deal with continuing threats from the darkspawn, while trying to fit into a world that's a far cry from the tower. All this while the Chantry seems to wait around every corner, eager to remind her and Anders just what they think of mages who manage to escape Circle control.
In this chapter: Time to put on the big girl pants and be a Grey Warden once again.
Anders and Jowan found me hiding in the wine cellars with Oghren. I had slipped a translation of the letter and a note about where I'd be under Nathaniel's door since he was out for the evening and went to look for the berserker. Along the way I posted notices about a mandatory all-Warden meeting the following morning. "Mags?" he said, seeing the expression of panic on my face.
"Drinking time," was all I responded with. "Come on."
"It's not sodding fair," Oghren said, throwing an empty bottle at the wall where it smashed. "We barely survived the first one!"
"Maggie?" Anders called, ducking before he was hit by glass.
"Oh, sorry," Oghren said. "Wasn't aiming at you."
"Is… something wrong?"
"Yes." Anders looked at me, waiting for me to elaborate. "What's the very worst thing ever?"
Anders and Jowan both stared at us. "No," Anders said.
"Maybe."
"No," he repeated.
"Alain has seen increased activity near one of the known locations."
"Wait," Jowan said, looking at us. "You know where they are? The old gods? You know where they are right now?"
"Yeah," I said.
He slid down the wall, sitting near me. A moment later he reached up for a bottle off the rack. "So… why haven't we killed them?" Jowan asked before taking a deep drink. "I can't believe I just said that," he added a moment later. "I blame you for this, so you know."
"I don't know, bloodthirsty kind of works for you," Anders said with a chuckle as he sat next to me. "And we haven't killed them because best we know one is encased in solid rock and another is under the ocean."
"Oh." He glanced at Anders. "Wait, you knew, too?" Anders only shrugged in response. "So many secrets," he muttered.
"Be glad you've got me as your commanding officer," I said. "Back when I joined you know what they told me? Nothing. Alistair and I didn't even know how to kill the archdemon until just before the battle with it in Denerim!" I sighed. "I can't tell everyone everything. If people knew this… well, how long until someone takes it upon themselves to try and be a hero?" Shrugging, I added "it's all written down, in case something happens to everyone who knows."
"When did you get so damn responsible?" Jowan asked.
"Don't have much choice," I said. "I'm the boss."
Anders sighed. "You think it really will be…"
"I don't know," I said. "I honestly have no idea. I know their numbers aren't high enough. But if they're breeding like mad because they expect it to take a decade or two to reach the bastard, well…" I took another breath. "I never thought I'd have to face this again."
"Well, it's not one yet," Anders said. "We… we'll know when it is, right?"
I nodded. "You have a dream of a dragon, well, let me know. I'll be the one screaming in her sleep."
The next morning, once all the Wardens were in the main hall, I had the mages go around warding the doors after kicking any staff members out. "All right," I said, not bothering to hide my concern. "Everyone come close, and… you'll probably all want to sit." Once they had I sat on the dais that once held the throne, thankfully never replaced after the keep was rebuilt. "So… there's no easy way to tell you this. Right now I, as well as most of the commanders and senior Wardens in Thedas, know of the locations of the last two old gods." Everyone started gasping and looking around in shock, I gestured for them to be quiet. "Now, I'm sure you all know that none of us have figured out just what, if anything, the difference between an old god and a regular high dragon would be. So while we know each of them would mean another blight, we don't know if the blights end with them. But… I've just been informed by Commander Alain of Orlais that the darkspawn have made a push towards one of these locations."
Nathaniel stood up and unrolled a map of Orlais once the talking had died down. "This," I said, pointing, "is the general location of the old god."
"Where is the other one?" Tobias asked. "Can we get to it? Kill it before they make another move?"
"It's under the Amaranthine Sea," I said. "About halfway between us and Ostwick in the Free Marches. So… inaccessible to us, but also inaccessible to the Darkspawn."
"Let's hope," he said.
"What else can we do?" I said. "I can't breathe underwater indefinitely to cast spells, I doubt any of you would fare much better." I sighed.
"There are people in our confidence in Orzammar who know of the location," I said. "They have some of their best people trying to find a way to tunnel under the ocean. It seems unlikely, though. The weight of the water would collapse everything."
No one seemed to have any more comments so I went on.
"Alain has asked for our help," I said. "I wrote back to see exactly what he needs, but here's what we'll do for now, since mail from Orlais is slow. We're going to begin a massive recruiting push. I know we've been growing quickly, but we need more. I'm asking for a group of a dozen or so to volunteer and leave for Orlais immediately. Varel's already made the travel arrangements; you would sail in the morning." People began looking around. "This is not a permanent reassignment. I'm sure Alain wrote to me as soon as he found out, and I'm sure he has more information now. I don't know how long this will last but… I suspect we'll all be taking turns spending a few months there." I shrugged. "Commander Alain's a good man. He's a good Warden. I know none of you will have any problems working with him or our brothers and sisters in Orlais." I stood up. "Goes without saying that I'm likely to kill anyone who breathes a word of this to an outsider. Last thing we need is a riot." I began to pace. "This is not a blight," I said, almost shouting the words. "We're trying to stop it before it becomes one." I glanced out at the group. No one had any arguments.
Once we had the volunteers settled and sent them off to pack I called several of the more experienced Wardens into my office. I passed out copies of the Warden encryption. "Guard these with your lives," I warned. "You're each going to one of the garrisons, give that to the Senior Warden and let them know that all mailed communication has to be encrypted from now on. This gets away from you and we have no way to write to the other Wardens in Thedas securely." After making them each repeat what I had just told everyone I sent them off to grab a couple travel partners and deliver the bad news.
Nathaniel walked in while I paced the floor. "Eat," he said, setting a tray down on the small table against a wall. "This isn't going to solve itself today."
"I know," I said, thanking him and grabbing some food. "I…" Sighing, I fell back to my chair. "I never thought I'd have to deal with this again."
"It's not a blight yet," he said.
Standing, I closed the door. A few Wardens gave me nervous looks as I did. "It will be eventually."
He nodded. "I know. We can hold them off, but not forever." He drummed his fingers on the desk. "Best case scenario? Your opinion."
"Best case? We kill the archdemon the moment they find it. Before it rises, before it begins calling to darkspawn across Thedas."
"You don't think we can kill it before it becomes an archdemon?"
"How?" I shrugged. "We get to it before them, they'll follow. They corrupt it instantly, by touch." I paused, adding "or so I've been told. Who knows how true that is"
"I think you're right," he said. "Killing a dragon is anything but instant," he said. "Even a normal high dragon."
I nodded. "So… best case scenario? A blight that ends in a few hours."
He laughed at that. "Maggie, I think if you have the misfortune to be there when it does they might just make you a saint."
"Oh Maker," I laughed. "Can you even imagine it? The Divine would wet herself!"
After we calmed down he looked at me more seriously. "Will you go to Orlais… if…?"
"Absolutely," I said. "Would I rather eat a bowl of broken glass and rusty nails? Without a doubt. But I'm a Grey Warden before everything else. That hasn't changed."
He nodded. "Figured as much. You telling the king?"
"He's on progress now," I said. "He'll be here in a month or two anyways. I'll tell him then. No easy way to reach him before." I bit my nails.
"Have your dreams been worse, the last few days?"
Nathaniel looked thoughtful. "You know, now that you mention it… they were more intense."
"I wonder. Darkspawn, they have their… group mind or whatever. The thing we can sense and connect to. What if there's something similar for Wardens? What if our dreams were bad because the Wardens of Orlais have been reacting to this for days?"
He shrugged and wrote something in a book on his desk, saying "not sure."
"What's that?"
"This?"
"Yes, that," I said, trying to read over his shoulder.
"This is my book of theories," he said, handing it over.
I opened it and began flipping through. There were brief annotations with dates and, occasionally, names. Every time one of us had said "you know, I wonder if…" he had written it down. My theory on the Architect's creations being drawn to me because of the blood connection, Sigrun's recommendation to ensure the King of Orzammar knew how broodmothers were created because the majority were probably originally women sentenced to the deep roads, Anders' numerous theories on darkspawn magic- some written in Anders' own hand.
"How long have you been keeping this?"
He shrugged. "A few years. We're always saying that there aren't enough useful old records. I figured maybe some of the things we've had to figure out on our own could be useful in a couple generations. He colored slightly. "It's really not a big deal. Mostly my own reference."
"No, it's brilliant," I said. "Have I mentioned lately that conscripting you was one of the smartest things I ever did? Since it was." I leaned against the desk. "We do need a proper archivist, though. I should have gotten one years ago."
"Who usually does it? Traditionally, I mean?"
"Mages, from what I know. Not because magic is needed for the job, but because Circle mages will be able to read and write at least two languages. Literacy used to be much rarer before and during the occupation, from what I've gathered."
"Still fairly rare," he said. "Too rare." I nodded in agreement.
"Well, next trip to the Circle… which will probably be in a week or so, I'll try and look for someone who seems suited."
"You've got to be kidding me," Greagoir said when he saw me walk into the Circle a few days later. I was in full archdemon armor, armed to the teeth, as were Anders and Oghren. It seemed like a good idea to make sure anyone we recruited knew we still fought.
"I need to talk to you and Irving," I said.
"Yes, I think that's wise," he said.
Once we were settled in the First Enchanter's office I gestured to Anders, he got up and warded the door without a word.
"Is that necessary?" Greagoir asked.
"Yes," I said. "Look…" I pushed my hair back, looking down. "You've both always been good to the Wardens. You've never questioned my need for recruits, and you've kept what information you know about our order quiet. And I really do appreciate that." I took a breath and went on, "especially since I know our, um, history before I became a Warden doesn't give you much reason to. So… I'm telling you this now because I trust you." I exhaled, wishing that the blush I knew was forming would go away. I really didn't like admitting I was probably the most frustrating apprentice ever. And that they had every reason not to trust me or work with me.
"What's wrong?" Irving said, looking at me.
"There is… information only the most senior Wardens in each nation knows," I said. "I am aware of the location of the last two old gods," I said. "They're inaccessible to us, but the order knows where they are."
"All right," Greagoir said. "I'm not surprised the Grey Wardens would keep track of such things. Why are you telling us this?"
"Because the darkspawn are making a move for one of the last old gods," I said without any embellishment. Both men paled.
"You're sure?"
"Completely."
"And your plan?" Greagoir said, immediately turning to his military training.
"The old god in question is in Orlais," I said. "Working with Commander Alain, we hope to put up a barrier, stopping any darkspawn before they reach the location. And… when that no longer works, to kill the archdemon before it can rise and begin calling darkspawn to it."
"When?" the Knight-Commander said. "You assume this will fail?"
"There are millions of darkspawn," Anders said. "Only a few hundred Wardens in every country. We can't hold them off forever. It only takes one to slip by, just one to corrupt the old god."
Irving put his face in his hands. "So," he said a moment later, "you're looking for grist for the mill?"
"Hey!" Oghren said, standing up. "Name one time she threw away another person's life!"
I sighed. "He's right, in a way," I told Oghren. "We're all dispensable. We know that. We spend our lives in battle against an unstoppable enemy and we die so others can live."
"Doesn't mean you're about to throw a bunch of kids out as ogre snacks to slow them down." Oghren still sounded horrified. He had dark look on his face, I hadn't seen that since we fought the archdemon. Before that I'd only seen it at the moment he realized his wife had practically fed their family to the darkspawn so she could get more bodies to test the traps.
"Of course not," I said. "I can say we'll give them the best training in Thedas; that we can make them better equipped to meet the darkspawn head on than anyone else in the world. But I can't promise they'll be safe. Since they won't, no Grey Warden is. It's a dangerous job." Something struck me, a conversation from years ago. I looked at Oghren. "Do you remember what Sten said, after I'd recruited Loghain?"
Oghren groaned, stroking his beard. "Some quote from that book of his. He was glad you did it, though. I remember that. He went on and on whenever you weren't around about how impressed he was. Said it made him think you were more rational than the rest of your species."
Anders and Greagoir both snorted at that, holding back laughter. "All right," I said, looking at them and trying not to chuckle myself just from the sight of both of them smiling in the same room, even briefly. "Sten told me that he thought recruiting Loghain was wise because his people don't believe in wasting resources, and no resource is more valuable than a life. I always thought that was smart."
"What book is this from?" Greagoir asked.
"The Qun," I said. "Sten was the leader of a unit of Beresaad. That's like the best of the best among the qunari. He was sent here to learn about the blight for their rulers."
"That does not sound like anything the qunari I've heard of would say," Greagoir said.
"You'd be surprised," I said. "There's more to the world than what the Chantry tells you. Although their treatment of mages is… horrifying."
Anders looked at me and I made a face.
"That I have read," Greagoir said. "They cut out their tongues, and keep them in chains."
"Maker's breath!" Anders gasped.
"Yeah," I said. "He and I didn't get on at first. That, and because women in his society aren't fighters. But we were friends at the end."
"He used to have the same name for you and Shale," Oghren mused. "Never could figure out how the two of you ended up with the same nickname."
"It wasn't a nickname," I said. "It was… sort of a title. Or term of endearment. Kadan is the word for something you value highly in his language." I smiled. "Zevran and I went to see him off at the port of Denerim," I said. "Just before he got on the ship he told me that I was a warrior worthy to stand among the Beresaad. I think that's just about the best compliment anyone's ever given me." I shook my head, returning to the present. "I'm way too young to reminisce about old wars," I said with a chuckle. "Not when we've got another staring us in the face."
"You need recruits," Greagoir said.
"As many as possible." I paused when Oghren gave me a pointed glance. Hoping I wouldn't regret it, I said "you know, if you have anyone in training to be a templar who—"
"I can spare a few men, I think," he said. "I've got a few who have no real business being templars. Maybe you can do something with them."
"Would they be willing to take orders from a mage? To work with mages?" Anders asked him pointedly.
"I wouldn't recommend them otherwise," he said. "I do realize that the Warden Commander is a mage." He gave Anders a sardonic glance.
"Just checking," Anders said, holding his hands up.
We left with nearly sixty recruits, some of whom were actually Orlesians excited for a chance to return home free of their Circle. As we were gathering everyone near the doors Irving came back over to me. "Be careful," he said, giving me and Anders both a brief hug.
"Watch over your people," he said.
"I always do," I replied.
He nodded. "I figured as much. Never would have imagined I'd see the day…"
"I just found something I was good at."
"So it seems," he said. "Although I should point out that it's more accurate to say you found something you actually bothered working at. You would have made a fine Circle Mage if you'd only tried."
"Nah," I said, shaking my head.
He grunted noncommittally before putting a hand on my shoulder and looking from me to Anders. "Maker watch over you both," he said.
"Thank you, Greagoir," I said, surprised by how sincere he sounded. "Let's hope he watches over us all."
I was pleased to see the other Wardens I had sent out on recruiting missions trickling in with more people over the next few weeks and months. Eventually Alistair's progress made its way to us. I had everyone line up in fresh tunics when he arrived.
"Wow," he said after hugging me and returning their salute. "Lot of new faces around here. Lot of serious new faces." He paused and looked at me. "What's wrong?"
"Come on inside," I said.
"Oh, now I don't want to," he said, attempting to get me to laugh.
"It won't be any less true if I don't tell you," I said. "Come on."
He groaned, taking off his crown and following me in as the Wardens returned to training. "How many are there now?"
"As of yesterday one hundred and sixty eight," I said. "We have ten more going through the Joining tonight."
"Maker's breath," he said as we walked into my sitting room. "Expecting another blight?" His face went grey when I didn't answer. "All right," Alistair said, suddenly serious. "I know the archdemon hasn't risen yet. So what's going on?"
I went through everything I knew so far. Our first group of ten was still in Orlais for another month or so, and we'd already sent another fifty on. Alain had suggested three months at a stretch, letting people go home before they were so worn down that they would be a liability.
"So what's happening," Alistair said.
"They open tunnels, we blast them closed with magic or explosives. They try a new approach, we cut them off. It's at a standstill."
"For how long?"
"I don't know," I said. "Orzammar said they're seeing an increase in activity. That could mean they're building up numbers. Eventually… one will get through."
He took a breath, covering his face with his hands. "I… I don't even know what to say." He looked at me, horror in his eyes. "Another blight? So soon? This is a nightmare."
"It… it may be a good thing, in disguise," I said. "In the long term."
He raised an eyebrow. "This I have to hear."
"When else would we have a chance to kill the archdemon before it can rise?" I said. "We usually don't know until it's awake and moving and sending out that call. Now… we know where it is, and the moment it turns we'll be right there, ready to end it. We knew they would find the damned thing eventually. But we're lucky because they found it when we were looking."
"True," he said. "I just wish it wasn't in our lifetime. One was enough. More than enough."
"I may be wrong," I said. "Maybe we can hold them off. Who knows."
"Does the empress know about this?"
"She does," I said. "She's sent her own forces to supplement the Wardens."
"You think I should offer help?" He spoke again, before I could answer. "I mean I want to offer help. A blight is bigger than any one nation and you're right: this is the best chance we have to kill the bastard before it causes more damage. But should I speak to the ambassador? How secret is this? Would he even know?"
"Let me find out," I said. "I'll write to Alain in Orlais, using the Warden encryption, and tell him you're willing to send aid. I'll have him either contact you directly or find out if the ambassador knows. It's very quiet now. We don't want people to panic. This is an isolated area, right on the edge of the uncharted territories. It hasn't been bad keeping it hushed."
"I can't believe the normal Orlesian troops aren't blabbing," he said.
I shrugged. "I suspect that the methods of discipline there are a lot harsher than anything we would find acceptable. And they don't want a riot in Orlais any more than we would here."
"Let's hope," he said. "Since if it becomes common knowledge in Orlais it's only a matter of time before it spreads. I can't even imagine how people would react if they found out we might have another blight so soon."
Although Alain had said they suspected the group was led by one of the talking darkspawn, things began to look more and more like the start of a traditional blight. Even Orzammar sent aid once they'd noticed how much activity there was in the deep roads, supplementing the Orlesian and Fereldan forces working under the command of the Grey Wardens.
My initial estimations turned out to be too pessimistic. We held the line for one year, and then two. When Alain admitted in a letter that he had been in the field since the beginning I began packing, heading out with Anders, Oghren, Nathaniel, Sigrun, and Tobias, along with our latest batch of fresh men and women for the front. We stood at the docks, welcoming our brothers and sisters back who had just left Orlais, before departing on the very boat they had returned home in. They looked exhausted, but not defeated. I took it as a good sign. I tried not to feel sick as we traveled, not wanting to return to Orlais.
"You all right, boss?" Tobias asked as I stood on the deck, watching the port of Amaranthine shrink in the distance.
"I'll be fine," I assured him.
He looked dubious. But then, he'd seen Anders and I before the healers could get to us when we escaped in Orlais. "Well, me and Oghren got it all planned out," he said. "You two aren't leaving our sight on this trip. No walks in the park, got it?"
I laughed at that. "Tobias, we're going to war, not a bunch of meetings. Believe me, a walk in the park isn't on the schedule." He bit his nail, looking thoughtful. "It's all right to be scared," I said.
"Are you?"
"Of course I am," I said. "I'd be an idiot if I wasn't. I've just gotten used to hiding it. People get really nervous when they see me looking worried."
"Were you then?" he said after a moment. "I saw you, in the Alienage. You, Oghren, Loghain, and that elf… what's his name? The one who works for Alistair now."
"Zevran," I said.
"Right," he nodded. "Well, I watched you drive back the darkspawn. None of you looked scared."
"I was terrified," I said. "I knew there was a good chance I would die that day. But… you push it back. Focus on the moment." I glanced over at him. "You've seen more fighting than almost everyone in the order. You know what it's like."
"Yeah, but a bli—"
"It's not one yet," I said, cutting him off. "And watch your words when we're in public." A few people had taken notice of the Grey Wardens on the ship, I had already overheard someone musing aloud about why so many Wardens were traveling to Orlais lately.
"Right." He looked out across the water. "Well, you didn't look scared," he said finally. "I thought it was pretty impressive. An elf out there fighting shoulder to shoulder with the Grey Wardens. And then I realized that there's only one group people hate more than elves," he poked me in the shoulder at that, snickering, "and they put you in charge. After that I started telling everyone that some day I'd run off and join the Wardens, since any group that would actually put a mage in charge of things wouldn't have any problem with an elven pickpocket. Probably why the Haren dragged me in to meet you guys when you came to the alienage."
"I didn't know you were a pickpocket," I said.
He laughed and a moment later handed me back my purse. "See? Still got it."
"Nice job!" I said, genuinely impressed. I hadn't even seen him move.
Tobias laughed at that, turning to head back in as the air grew cooler. "Only you would get robbed and compliment the skill involved, boss. Only you."
To my surprise we were met in Jader by a royal escort. "Commander," the heavily perfumed man said, offering a strange salute, "the empress, she would like to meet with you."
I repressed a shudder. You're a Warden, I reminded myself. Not simply Fereldan. She had every reason to want to speak with the person who would be taking command of a massive military operation in her country. She couldn't try and invade Ferelden through me while I was in Orlais, after all. "Of course," I said, forcing a polite smile on my face.
He nodded. "Bring your command staff. We will ensure the rest of your people are taken to the Warden compound in Jader."
Once in the carriage I looked at her emissary. I wondered if he was actually nobility; even in the Orlesian court I couldn't imagine some minor functionary wearing so much jewelry and silk. Our own queen didn't wear so much. "What is the correct form of address for an empress?" I asked. The man looked amused. "Sorry, the Circle of Magi and the Grey Wardens don't put a lot of stress on teaching proper court manners."
"What do you call your king?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. "I call him Alistair," I said. "I suspect the empress wouldn't appreciate being called Alistair, though. It wouldn't make much sense, either, since from all I know her given name is Celine."
"At the very least she'd probably be pretty confused," Anders added.
He actually laughed at that. "I was told you were amusing," he said, pointing his finger at Anders and myself, still chuckling. I looked at Anders and shrugged, he rolled his eyes almost imperceptibly. "You would call her 'Your Imperial Majesty,'" the man said
"Well then," I replied, "let's go meet Her Imperial Majesty."