Where We Stand - Chapter 8

[valiasedai]

Many thanks to Crisium for the beta. She's at lj and fanfic.net and has a way with words I admire and envy - I highly recommend her work!

Chapter: 8 Loss
Words: 1,230
Characters: Varel, Erise Caron
Summary: Kristoff's death is the tipping point for Erise's sanity.

Over at ff.net


The body on the ground was stiff and unmoving, and her heart twisted sharply when it came into view. "Kristoff?" There was no answer. "Mon frère?" Erise felt her hands shake as tears filled her eyes. "Non, non!" Unthinking, she ran up the path, trying to ignore the crested armor and shield.

In her haste she didn't see the white tubes quiver and shake then burst open with hideous childers. Their blood did not call to her and she fell to her knees before Nathaniel's cry reached her ears.

From her knees, she struggled to draw her blade, only half-freeing it before one of the things was upon her. She lifted an arm to shield herself and teeth latched on, tearing through the leather straps of her bracer. The plate fell away and the teeth found flesh. Shrieking, she bashed at its head with her other hand, sobbing frantically when teeth ground against bone.

One hit placed just right caved in the creature's skull, and all was quiet again save for her loud wails. The other Wardens surrounded her, pinning her down as Anders tried to heal her, picking out bits of chain and skull and dirt as he went. All the while she shook and sobbed and struggled against the corpse of her dead brother.

***********

It moved like Kristoff. Erise couldn't concentrate with it there – she could sense it, vaguely, but it felt wrong. It was in his armor, wielding his weapons, fighting with his rhythm and pace. Worse, it knew how to fight at her side. It defended when she attacked, rushed forward when she was forced to fall back and it had covered her back more than once. She almost felt whole.

The thought left a greasy feeling in her stomach. It had to be ended.

********
Varel paced restlessly. Nathaniel had returned two hours ago with news the others were not far behind. His eyes shifted any time Varel tried to question him, and all he would do was ask him to make Erise see reason. Kristoff's wife was uneasy, but she had stayed in the Great Hall.

A voice sounded from the wall. "There's a group on the road. I think it's the Commander."

"Thank the Maker." Varel started out from the gate, trying to keep his pace steady. The Wardens came into view and he could just make out Erise. She was all but staggering and Anders hovered near one shoulder, while Oghren stayed near the other. There was another figure with them, a man that moved with an odd, stiff gait.

As he grew closer, Erise caught sight of him. "Varel!" She tried to run, stumbling and falling hard.

He broke into a jog, focused only on her. He reached her quickly and bent down to help her up. Tears were streaming down her face. "They do not understand! What this thing is doing iswrong."

Varel lifted his eyes to Anders, who gestured to the new man. He couldn't stop the gasp – the eyes were dead, the face sunken, but he could still see the resemblance. Kristoff. "Dear Andraste, what happened?"

Anders spoke quickly. "Long story short, we were trapped in the Fade, got out and dragged a spirit with us. Kristoff was already dead and the spirit is in his body now. He says his name's Justice."

Erise slumped against Varel and the mage let go of her just as she let out a quiet sob. "Please, this isn't right. If Aura arrives to see this–"

"She's already here.".

Erise shook her head. "No, she can't see it. This will kill her." She lunged forward weakly, but Varel kept her steady.

"Sigrun, go tell someone to keep her inside. Hurry!" Turning to the mage, Varel did his best to get the Commander upright. "Could you see she gets to the infirmary?" Anders nodded and put an arm around Erise, coaxing her to move as the glow of magic flared around him. Varel watched them go, quelling the urge to follow. "She's hurt. Why didn't Anders heal her earlier?"

The thing that was not Kristoff spoke. "He did. She refused to rest and kept opening up old wounds or injuring herself further. The mage decided it was easier to let her go until she collapsed, then heal her at night when it was too dark to travel." The thing – Justice – looked at Erise with pity in its eyes. "I offered to leave, but she told me I wasn't to 'steal' Kristoff's body, so I remained."

A low sigh came from the dwarf. "Th' Commander lost enough blood to choke a bronto and skirt-boy said she has a bad infection he can't heal right. She's gone a bit nutty, if you ask me." Oghren let out a low belch. "Keeps mutterin' about abominations and burning. He jerked his head towards Justice. "Might wanna keep these two apart for a while."

Varel hated to admit it, but for once he agreed with the dwarf.

***********

Sweat stung Erise's eyes as she moved through the sword forms. It was not quite dawn, but she was already nearing her third set. Her arms shook from the effort; she was still days from full recovery. It was her own fault, however, and her form would not suffer for it.

"Commander?"

The voice jarred Erise and she stumbled mid-step. The thing had Kristoff's voice and anger surged inside her. "What do you want?"

"I find myself unable to gain your forgiveness. I assure you, this… possession is not my doing." Its tone was steeped in distaste.

Turning to face the sunken mask of her brother, Erise let the bitter tears come. "What should you care of my forgiveness?"

"Some of his memories linger." The thing looked away. "You were not like this when he was alive."

Erise scoffed. "You know nothing of me, or him." She turned away and resumed a defensive stance. "Will that be all?"

She could hear it fidget a few moments. "Ma petit sœur…"

Sharpness seared through her chest and she wheeled to face the corpse. Erise stalked towards the thing until their faces were only inches apart. "Never say that again. It is bad enough you steal his voice. Those words are not yours to use."

It stared at her a few moments before a sad smile curved its – Kristoff's – lips. "It's what he called you."Her anger melted away and the ache beneath it sharpened into something so painful she could barely breathe. She nodded once and the thing awkwardly patted her arm. "I'm sorry."

Erise forced herself to meet its dead-eyed gaze. "So am I."