Vir Lath Sa'vunin Chapters Twenty-Nine and Thirty

[lenna_nightrunner]

A Dalish-centric AU gen fic featuring two Mahariel Wardens, one bastard prince, and lingering ghosts.

Title: Vir Lath Sa'vunin (We Love One More Day)
Rating: T (Language and Violence)
Authors: twist_shimmy and lenna_nightrunner
Post Word Count: 3350
Summary: When their parents died, Tesni Mahariel was left to raise her brother Caerwyn with the help of the rest of their clan. True to their penchant for getting into trouble, Caerwyn and Tamlen went hunting one day and ran afoul of a mirror, of all things. The next thing Tesni knew, Caerwyn had been recruited by the Grey Wardens. As if she’d let some shemlen just take her brother away! Determined to keep Caerwyn safe, Tesni goes after them, and antics ensue. She’ll stop the Blight to protect her family, Caerwyn will help--grumbling all the while--and Alistair will do his best to bond with his tattooed and bristly new brethren. When all is said and done, the blurred lines between friendship and blood bonds will draw them down a path that will change all three of them forever.

In which our Wardens are out of commission, and their new clan must get along without them and try to get them back.

Twenty-Nine: You Can't Feel Me Here in the Room With You Now (Kate Bush)
Word Count: 1250

ZEVRAN

“Stop fussing.” Wynne frowned down at me, and I turned my wince of pain into a smile. “It’s slowing down your healing.”

“Just trying to spend every possible moment close to your bosom.”

It might have been my imagination, but it felt like the faintest jolt of electricity was mixed in with the next wave of healing magic. I laughed, which hurt, and she shook her head. Such a fascinating mage my Warden had found. That held true for all of the “clan,” but even so, Wynne was one of the most fun to tease.

Perhaps not as much fun as Alistair, but my Warden had taken to shaking her head disapprovingly when I tormented the poor boy. In truth, I had been completely serious when I suggested the tattoo; if I had been able to resist the massage joke, he might look more like his fellow Wardens now. Perhaps then Eamon would not have been so determined to have him as a king.

Wynne’s fingers pressed and traced my ribs, and I considered saying something lewd. My heart wasn’t in it, though: my broken ribs ached, and the silence from our fearless leader’s tent was chilling. At least when she had been crying I had known she was... breathing.

From what I could see on the other side of camp, her brother was not speaking, but I knew what had happened the instant I saw the look on her face. Killing someone you love with every breath and thought and drop of blood in your veins has a very... specific impact on a person. I had learned that with Rinna, and so I recognized it in her. It doesn’t matter if you think at the time that you have no choice but to do it. How much worse for her that she hadn’t even believed him alive.

It seemed cruel that the... thing in the Gauntlet would have lied to her. She had been happier after they had said their goodbyes. But now the tent was utterly silent, and based on Alistair’s frequent glances I wasn’t the only one who worried if--

No. I may have recognized the face she made as she walked to the tent covered in the blood of her lover, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who would give up after such a trial. She was like me.

In some ways, that had made everything worse. Too stubborn to die, but too broken to do anything but breathe. And then I’d crawled to Ferelden, and met someone to die for.

“There.” Wynne finally stopped prodding me, and I rose wearily to my knees and stared at her tent again.

“Did our Warden give watch shifts?”

Wynne shook her head.

“I think... Sten and Shale, perhaps. Then I shall sit watch with Leliana.” When she looked at me oddly, I smiled. “What? If you are worried about taking orders from a flat-ear, you may certainly try to get Alistair to make the decision.”

“No, no.” She rose and rubbed at her lower back. “I’ll tell them.”

“An excellent idea.”

Once she was out of my line of sight, I moved toward the trees Tesni had stumbled from. It was a very dark night out, but my sense of smell proved sufficient to find him. That, and the trail of discarded weapons. I nearly stepped on Tesni’s beautiful bow, and then closer to the corpse found Caerwyn’s knives. I gathered them up to take back with me before turning my attention to the creature that had broken them.

My poor Warden. I sank to my knees beside her lover’s twisted body and began arranging it into a more dignified pose. Neck straight, arms folded as best I could. Closed eyes--the only part of him that still looked remotely elvish.

They would want to bury him. I considered doing it then, but decided that Tesni should be given the chance to do so. Perhaps after a good night’s sleep she would pull herself together.

But the next morning arrived, and neither of my pretty Dalish companions had come around. Caerwyn spent the day asleep in the tent he and Alistair had shared with me to give Tesni her privacy, but nothing about his face seemed relaxed or peaceful. He cried out. He twitched. And he kept doing so, no matter how close Alistair, Leliana, or I were to him as he slept.

Tesni’s tent remained silent.

I gave up on pacing around lunchtime and let myself into her tent. She was curled into a ball atop the blankets, knees to her chin, face and hands spattered with blood. Her leather armor had been thrown against the other side of the tent and reeked of blood and gore.

This would not do. I took her armor out and began cleaning it by the river, then set it against a tree to dry. Afterward, I took the wash bucket and one of my spare shirts into her tent.

She was not asleep, but she said nothing when I came back in. She just fixed me with those blue eyes of hers and waited. I could not even pretend that she was interested or worried by my presence. I was simply there, and she was watching, but her mind was elsewhere.

I guided her into a sitting position. “Give me your hands, my Warden.”

She obeyed, and I took my old shirt to her fingers and began wiping away the blood that had dried on her hands. I had noticed her hands when we were dancing the night before. They were calloused from years of bow-work, but her fingers were slender, and long, and strong.

She had a killer’s hands. They were absolutely beautiful. And as her skin grew cleaner and the water in the bucket progressively more turbid, she began to actually watch me.

Next the face. Her pretty tattoo was covered in clotted blood. When I wrung out the shirt and began wiping at her forehead, she closed her eyes.

Maker. I had never noticed that the lines on the right side of her face actually covered her eyelid. Granted, I had never been lucky enough to see her sleeping, or even particularly relaxed. How that must have hurt.

“Qué bonita eres, mi mujer gris,” I caught myself telling her. “Y eres tan fuerte, con sangre fría. ¿Hay alguna cosa que pueda pararte?”[1]

Tesni opened her eyes, and I wiped her left cheek clean. Her right cheek. “Necesitas dormir, querida. Estás cansada, puedo verlo.”[2] I tilted her face upward and wiped off her chin and her neck.

“¿Es mejor, no? Estás muy más limpia, y no hueles del darkspawn.” I tossed my shirt into the bucket and wiped my hands dry against my trousers. “Duérmete, querida.”[3]

I had gotten her back against her bedding--properly this time, with her head on the pillow and a blanket over her--and was about to let myself out to get rid of the bloody water when she spoke.

“Wait.”

“Qué te pasa, tesora?”[4] Then I remembered I had been speaking Antivan. “What is it, my Warden?”

Her hand snaked out and caught me by the wrist, and then tugged. I fell over obligingly and forced myself to breathe evenly as she curled against my chest. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Then I shall stay with you.”

Her eyes closed, her breathing deepened, but it took her a long time to fall back asleep. Because of that, I had plenty of time to lament the blanket between us. But I knew the Dalish ways well enough to realize that she was a creature of touch. Like me, almost.

It meant nothing. I was her clan, like her brother or Alistair. And I should not feel resentful of these things hours after she was forced to kill her lover. After all, had I not just done the same thing for Caerwyn the night before?

No, no. Take your pleasures where you find them, Zevran. There is a beautiful woman in your arms, after all. I closed my eyes and pulled her closer, enjoying her warmth and her strength. When she fell back asleep at last, I rose and left the tent. Tamlen would need to be buried, and since my Wardens could not do it, their clan would do it for them.

---

Thirty: Wanna Keep You From Breaking (Eve 6)
Word Count: 2100

ALISTAIR
(Meanwhile)

Nobody knew what had happened.

Tesni had gone to our tent, covered in blood, without looking at or speaking to anyone. Last week it had seemed weird that she was dragging me into it every night, but now it felt worse to not be there with her. But when she started crying, there seemed to be an unspoken agreement among all of us to pretend that we didn’t hear. That, and the thought of Tesni actually crying was... scary. Whatever had happened had been bad, bad, bad, and I knew I’d be useless if I tried to help. So I left her in peace, and so did everyone else.

Instead, we busied ourselves checking the perimeter of the camp for more enemies and hauling off the remains of the dead ones. By the time we were done, she’d stopped.

Maker, but the silence was worse.

Some of Zevran’s ribs had been cracked during the fight, and Wynne put him back together while Leliana sat by the fire looking confused and worried. When Wynne was done, she assigned watches. As Sten and Shale moved to the outskirts of camp I silently thanked the mage for taking control. I didn’t think I had it in me to take charge just then. I prayed I wouldn’t have to at all.

Then I realized that Caerwyn hadn’t moved since Tesni had gone to our tent. Leliana’s eyes were fixed on him where he sat, and when she got up to go to him, I followed her.

“Caerwyn?” she said worriedly.

He didn’t answer.

“Caerwyn?” I snapped my fingers in front of his face, but he didn’t even blink. I shook his shoulder, still nothing. On any other day he would have stabbed me. Or threatened to with his eyes. I never thought I’d miss his knives. Something was very wrong, and Tesni wasn’t here to fix him.

So I hauled him to his feet and Leliana helped me get him back over to the fire.

“Do you think he’s injured?” asked Leliana. Between us we managed to get his armor off, but none of the blood on him seemed to be his. I felt his ribs, arms, and legs for broken bones, but found none. Wynne and Zevran had both gone to bed, and I didn’t want to wake her unless Caerwyn needed healing.

“I don’t think so,” I said, “but he’s in shock. We need to keep him warm.” As if on cue, Caerwyn pulled his knees to his chin and began to shiver.

Leliana went to her tent and returned without her armor on and carrying a blanket, which she threw over Caerwyn’s shoulders. His shivering had turned into shaking and she began to rub his back and arms to warm him up. Oh. I could have been doing that. Sure, Alistair, he’s in shock, we need to keep him warm, so just stand there and stare while he shivers. Brilliant.

Caerwyn looked down at the blanket absently. “Lin,” he murmured, and tried to pull the blanket off of himself.

I looked at Leliana to see if she understood, but when Caerwyn tried to keep the blanket away from his bloody skin and clothing, it was clear that he was worried he’d get the blanket dirty. I took that as a bad sign. Caerwyn always ended up dirtier than I did on a good day and had never once even pretended to care unless his sister ordered him to wash off.

Leliana draped the blanket back around his shoulders. “It’s just a blanket, Caerwyn.” But he tried to pull it off again. "You can buy me a new one later if you want to," she said gently. When he stopped struggling she tucked the blanket as closely around him as she could manage and then began rubbing his back again until the worst of his shaking stopped.

He stared blankly at the grass in front of him the whole time. When he’d finally stopped shivering, he raised his head and looked around. “Tesni,” he said when he didn’t see her.

"Um," I looked toward our tent. There hadn’t been a sound from there since Tesni had stopped crying. "I think it’d be best if we... left her alone for a bit."

Leliana frowned and nodded her agreement. I was afraid that Caerwyn would fight us, but, thank the Maker, he just went back to staring at the grass near his feet. Or maybe that wasn’t so good, but at least he seemed okay with leaving Tesni alone for now. Leliana watched him in silence while I busied myself removing my bloody armor and tried not to look over at our tent or think about Tesni.

A full ten minutes passed and then, suddenly, Caerwyn seemed to come around for a moment. He took a deep breath, sighed, rubbed at his face, and tried to run his fingers through his hair. But when he found it matted with blood, he pulled his hands back and stared at them in horror. His breathing started to quicken and his hands went back to his hair, trying to separate the strands with his fingers where the blood held them together.

"Caerwyn." Leliana tried to grab his wrists, but his hands were as fast as ever and he wouldn't let her. "Caerwyn, stop! Look at me."

I was about to take him by the shoulders and pin his arms, but somehow it worked. Very suddenly he stopped tugging at his hair, dropped his hands, and met Leliana’s eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He laughed. A horrible, mad laugh. It made me shudder.

Leliana’s eyebrows knitted and she flushed a little at her mistake. "I meant, what is it?"

"Lin," he repeated, and pulled his wrists free and began to wipe at his face and hair again.

"Hush," she said. "We’ll fix it. Alistair, would you please bring us some water?"

“Of course.” Water I could do, at least. I got up, grabbed the nearest cooking pot, and rushed toward the river. I was so grateful for something that I could do to help. I got to the riverbank and filled the pot as quickly as I could because as soon as I got out of sight of the camp I couldn’t remember if we’d taken his knives away. That-- that laugh. I didn’t know what Caerwyn might do next, and I didn’t want Leliana to be alone with him if he did something dangerous.

When I returned with the water, she was rubbing his arms and back again and was speaking Orlesian to him in low, soothing tones.

"Can you help?" she asked me.

"What do you need?"

Leliana took the pot from me. "Hold him up. Sit forward, Caerwyn."

He did as he was told, and I got my arm under him to support his chest so that his head was hanging over the ground out of the way of his body. Leliana took a nearby cup and filled it with water from the pot. "Close your eyes."

She poured it over his head and he started shivering again.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s cold,” she said as she poured another cupful over his head. She reached for the soap we’d used to clean the dishes after dinner and lathered it up in her hands before working it through his hair as gently as she could.

It was unsettling how still he was (except for the shivering) in my arms. Caerwyn wasn’t exactly a passive person even at his calmest; being short-worded never kept him from being easier to read than Tesni. For him to be like this now told me that whatever had just happened to him and Tesni was something very wrong.

When Caerwyn’s hair was as clean as it was going to get, Leliana motioned for me to sit him back up. She got it as dry as she could with a nearby rag and I draped the blanket back over his shoulders.

Next Leliana dipped the rag in the remaining water and began to run it over Caerwyn’s arms and hands, which his armor hadn’t covered. Finally, she moved on to his face. No matter how close to his eyes the water got, he kept staring blankly ahead as if Leliana weren’t there. She, on the other hand, was gazing at him intently. Her hand was so gentle as she wiped the blood away.

Oh. Oh. How had I not seen it before? I suddenly felt like I was intruding on something very private and my cheeks burned as I looked away.

“There,” she said when she’d washed most of the blood off, and put the rag down. “It’s gone.”

Caerwyn’s eyes darted to Leliana’s and then fixed on the ground again. He began to murmur in elvish:

“Abelas, lethallin. Falon, lethallin, emma ir abelas. Abelas. Abelas.”[5]

His breathing was growing fast and shallow again and this time I did grasp his shoulders. “Caerwyn!” He struggled against my grip. “Stop! Take deep breaths. Come on.”

Leliana caught one of his hands in hers and squeezed it, and pressed her other hand against his cheek. “Hush, Caerwyn, be still.”

And then I noticed that he was crying. Leliana was wiping the tears from his cheeks and her own eyes were shining a bit in the firelight. Never since I’d met Caerwyn had I ever thought that I would see him cry. And Tesni, too? This was very, very bad.

His hand found my shoulder and he clutched at my shirt. After an awkward moment of not knowing what to do, I put my arm around him and patted his back. Leliana and I exchanged sad smiles and listened to Caerwyn speak in soft, broken elvish between breaths. He pressed his forehead against my shoulder and within a few minutes his breathing had slowed. Another minute, and he’d fallen unconscious.

“What do you think happened?” Leliana asked quietly.

I shook my head, at a loss. “Something terrible.” As soon as the words left my mouth I felt like an idiot, but there really wasn’t anything else I could say.

“We should get him to bed.”

“I... I don't want to wake Tesni,” I said. Leliana was looking at Caerwyn with the tender expression that had been on her face when she’d cleaned the blood off of him. If there was something between them, then.... “I could carry him to your tent.”

Her eyes widened and she blushed furiously. “N-no,” she said. “He should stay with you. He is your brother, after all.”

My brother. I looked down at the black side of his face--the part that wasn’t hidden against my shoulder.

“All right.”

I hauled him up into my arms and carried him to what used to be Zevran’s and my tent. He was smaller and lighter than I'd expected. It was hard to believe that he was the same person who was strong enough to slice a hurlock's head off with just a dagger, or kick one to death. He could catch and break my wrist before I knew what he was doing if he wanted to. He was older than I was, maybe by decades, but now he seemed like a child. My little, older brother.

Ellin, Tesni had said. The same blood. Family.

And my sister....

She was our leader, the strongest of us. She always knew what to do. I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it. If both of them were lost then I was in command. I'd never led anyone before. I'd never wanted to.

What was I supposed to do now?

Zevran was resting, but hadn’t fallen asleep yet.

“Can we--”

“Of course.” He helped me get Caerwyn into the tent and covered with blankets. When he was settled, Zevran said, “I can take the third watch as well. I am certain that dear Wynne will be thrilled to spend more time in my company.”

“No,” I said. “You’re healing. In fact, you shouldn’t even be on watch at all.”

“Sadly, I will take no arguments on that point. Let us both sleep for now.” He lay back down and curled up next to Caerwyn, who was facing him. “Your fellow Wardens will need their brother tomorrow.”

I felt a pang in my chest as I lay down on Caerwyn’s other side and pulled the blankets around myself. As I stared at the roof of the tent, I asked, “What did this to them?”

Zevran sighed heavily and tucked Caerwyn’s hair back behind his ears.

“Tamlen.”

---

[1] “You’re so pretty, my grey lady,” I caught myself telling her. “And so strong, and level-headed. Is there anything that can stop you?”

[2] “You need to sleep, dearest. You’re tired, I can see it.”

[3] “That’s better, no? You’re much cleaner, and don’t smell like darkspawn.” I tossed my shirt into the bucket and wiped my hands dry against my trousers. “Sleep, dearest.”

[4] “What do you need, darling?”

[5] “I’m sorry, lethallin. Friend, lethallin, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I knew what had happened the instant I saw the look on her face.